Admiral_Snackbar
Veni, vidi, Lionel Richie
With a new job, you get to meet and greet everyone and of course you eventually encounter the nerds; my HELLO MY NAME IS sign with the Inigo Montoya quote from The Princess Bride is typically the weed-out test--either you get it or you don't.
And of course, you get to talking about likes/dislikes. So, not that it's unique by any means, a casual collection as time permits of my top five whatevers. Often these are in no particular order.
To start off, Top Five Worst Movies:
And of course, you get to talking about likes/dislikes. So, not that it's unique by any means, a casual collection as time permits of my top five whatevers. Often these are in no particular order.
To start off, Top Five Worst Movies:
- Batman and Robin: Good lord, where to start. The Schumacher fetish with blacklights or the Shatner Overacting Award for Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze, with honorable mention to Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy. I love Clooney, the guy has class with gas, but any equation with Alicia Silverstone in it is guaranteed to crash. She's the Ted McGinley of film, people. The only positive aspect was that Vendela Kirsebom got to play her character dead and frozen for most of the film. The rest of us had to suffer.
- Moulin Rouge: Now I know almost every woman on the planet is going to trounce me on this one (OMFG EWAN MCGREGOR SINGS! PITTER PAT!) but please, turning "Like a Virgin" into a can-can dance? That's like having NWA's "Fuck tha Police" rendered as a classical piece by the London Symphony Orchestra - it don't work. I personally haven't liked Nicole Kidman since Malice, because she was and always will be the evil redheaded bitch character to me. Musicals are sort of like putting the top part of the beryllium sphere on the core of the nuclear bomb; you don't do it just right and with the right amount of delicacy, everyone will be shitting out there intestines within 24 hours.
- Nutty Professor 2: Didn't we learn all we needed to learn in the first movie? Wasn't it better when the Klump family was delivered in only a couple long, flatulent interludes instead of a 90-minute long fat joke? Do we have to not only prison rape biology but piss on the corpse as well? Does Eddie have to ruin Janet Jackson for me, too?
- House of Sand and Fog: I can't talk too much about this flick, because I will have to go off and kill myself. I would prefer having Ben Kingsley build a time machine out of a 1990 Honda Civic (the fiberglass and schoolbus yellow paint makes the flux dispersal...) so he could travel to 1990 and bring Jennifer Connelly's ginormous breasts back to the future.
- The Water Boy: I normally love Adam Sandler films, but this one loses me. Once again, in defiance of all that is good and proper in the world, Rob Schneider is in it. Sandler took probably one of the most boring skit characters (the buffoon) and made a whole film about it, which seems to be de rigueur for any SNL film translation since Wayne's World. I also have a theory that a talented, Oscar-winning actor is required by SAG to star in at least one godawful movie every 5 years to keep the bell curve accurate; the process for this has yet to be laid out, but I'm sure it will rank up there with Fermat's Last Theorem and Grand Unification in it's complexity.
