There have been a lot of interesting threads in various forums about what makes for an attractive man. It's an interesting topic simply because men are considered attractive much more for their personalities than women are. I'm not saying that a man can't be attracted to a woman's personality, or a woman to a man's body, but the difference is real and shouldn't be ignored.
There have been some self-professed 'nice guys' who have complained here and there about how nice guys finish last, i.e. they can't get any. Now I don't much like complaining, not because I don't feel for these guys, but because I don't think bitching about why women date jerks instead actually solves any problems. The problem can only be solved by studying WHY women find these jerks attractive, and why they find other nice guys unattractive.
What underlies the attitude of these nice guys also underlies the attitude of some of those women who have responded by throwing all the blame on the nice guys. 'Oh the nice guys are really just creeps because they have no self-esteem and are socially awkward.' As if social awkwardness were something blameworthy like being, oh I dunno, overweight. The underlying problem with BOTH these attitudes is the same: we are MORALIZING ATTRACTION.
Attraction is a biological instinct, it's not a CHOICE. Women are no more morally responsible for what personalities they are attracted to then men are for being attracted to big tits and a pretty face (or - dare I say it? - a pudgy belly and backside). The other side of this coin is: neither women or men are morally responsible for being UNATTRACTIVE. You're only responsible for your choices, not for WHO YOU ARE.
So if one of guys wonders why you're not attracting women, don't start BLAMING yourself, or allow someone else to blame you. BUT, I think that if you REALLY want to attract women, you will consider seriously how to work on your personality to make it more attractive, an option, by the way, that is generally much more easily available for men than for women, because of how attraction works for women. A woman who is not gifted with good looks can have a very hard time improving that, but a man can do all sorts of things to make himself more attractive to women.
There have been some self-professed 'nice guys' who have complained here and there about how nice guys finish last, i.e. they can't get any. Now I don't much like complaining, not because I don't feel for these guys, but because I don't think bitching about why women date jerks instead actually solves any problems. The problem can only be solved by studying WHY women find these jerks attractive, and why they find other nice guys unattractive.
What underlies the attitude of these nice guys also underlies the attitude of some of those women who have responded by throwing all the blame on the nice guys. 'Oh the nice guys are really just creeps because they have no self-esteem and are socially awkward.' As if social awkwardness were something blameworthy like being, oh I dunno, overweight. The underlying problem with BOTH these attitudes is the same: we are MORALIZING ATTRACTION.
Attraction is a biological instinct, it's not a CHOICE. Women are no more morally responsible for what personalities they are attracted to then men are for being attracted to big tits and a pretty face (or - dare I say it? - a pudgy belly and backside). The other side of this coin is: neither women or men are morally responsible for being UNATTRACTIVE. You're only responsible for your choices, not for WHO YOU ARE.
So if one of guys wonders why you're not attracting women, don't start BLAMING yourself, or allow someone else to blame you. BUT, I think that if you REALLY want to attract women, you will consider seriously how to work on your personality to make it more attractive, an option, by the way, that is generally much more easily available for men than for women, because of how attraction works for women. A woman who is not gifted with good looks can have a very hard time improving that, but a man can do all sorts of things to make himself more attractive to women.
