Admiral_Snackbar
Veni, vidi, Lionel Richie
In light of the nice response on the science fiction TV thread, thought I would throw another wrench in there. For thems who have lived in a cave for 6 years, Smallville is that quaint little show on the WB/CW network where DC Comics visits Dawson's Creek. There's a lot of drama-fo-yo-mama in there, but thought I'd throw a couple thoughts out there.
For the ladies, do you fancy yourself to be most like:
Lana Lang: Beautiful, yet refined. Emotional, but controlled, realizing that all the boys want to screw you but yet holding out for that one special love of your life. You may or may not have a spiritual past tied to witchcraft or may not have lost your parents to a freak meteor shower, but you are the prim and proper combination of social ingenue and incurable romantic that makes the boys want you and the girls want to claw your eyes out. And, like every hot chick you just can't stay away from the unavailable bad boys who inevitably tear your heart out; the only difference is you don't go lesbian in the process. You love wearing lots and lots of lip gloss, to the point where geologists can measure your age from the sedimentary layers.
Lois Lane: The original Margot Kidder cigs and OJ archetype aside, you're the better, stronger, and faster. Daddy's girl with a rebel streak, you are out there to take charge, show that sisters are doing it for themselves, but still retain a feminine quality that gives you the edge in every situation. You know you're a hottie, with a finger on the pulse of the guys that Lana seems clueless to, but all it takes is a little red kryptonite lipstick or magic to turn you into a Girls-Gone-Wild runner-up. You wouldn't spin on a stripper pole in real life, but you would to get the dirt on your next story. And yes, we know the boobs are fake.
Chloe Sullivan: The queen of unrequited love. Pining over this strange dreamy man since high school, you've become the intellectual whore (and eventual secret confidant) to the young Man of Steel, who can't get his Kryptonian mind made up over who he really loves (hint: It isn't YOU), and he's too clouded by his duty to humanity to just make a choice and let you move on. You've lost every potential relationship because your boyfriends can see through you like a 1-ply Kleenex when it comes to your gushiness over Clark. Then again, you are Spanish Fly to every pocket protector-wearing, taped glasses dork that comes down the pike, and your smile lights up a room in a way that makes you the girl the guy wants to settle down with as opposed to mark another conquest notch on his belt.
For the guys:
Clark Kent (Kal-El): Let's face it, super powers, hot MILF for a mom, your dad is fucking BO DUKE! You are the man! Then again, your entire planet rained down upon you when you came here, and every week some Tom, Dick or Harry sticks a green rock in your face that makes you weak and helpless. You're not only a orphan, but the Last Scion to a powerful race of beings, with the spirit of your father hounding you to conquer and not serve. In addition, he sounds amazingly like a British drag queen driving across the Outback in a bus, and he tends to give you a lot of conflicting advice on things. You also know that the first girl you bang is going to get the top of her head popped off when you cum, so you're very very careful as to how you choose your future mate (for those who have read the Larry Niven short story, we won't even get into the prohibition on masturbation). Life is tough for you, but you're still the King.
Lex Luthor: Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely; but it fucking ROCKS absolutely, too. Despite the problems having a dad just as evil as you (the attempted murders got a bit old), you're young, rich, powerful, built, and have the cueball head that drives the ladies and Captain Picard groupies WILD. In 9 years you still have no idea that the guy who saved your life will become your greatest nemesis, but you're too busy banging his long-time crush to care. You don't have any superpowers other than your ego, but a truly powerful man makes himself, right? Sure you've been a vessel for an evil Kryptonian warlord, but you're still a softie inside when it comes to the ladies; why send 20 dozen roses when you can simply buy the floral shop and have the owner killed?
Oliver Queen: Yes, we know you're rich and powerful and hot, so move along. You grew up a spoiled little rich boy just like Lex, but unlike him you turned a teenage tragedy into a desire to make amends and work for good. Bruce Wayne picked Ninjas and shadow warriors as a basis for his crimefighting choices; you picked Robin Hood--good going. You have just as much chutzpah as Lex does, but without the uber-dark past and urge to control everything--plus you still have your hair. You have a hard-on for Lois the size of Florida, but that darn work always gets in the way. You know that you are destined for great things, but the whole Garrett from Thief look gets old pretty quick. You have a fetish for the color green, and a penchant to do really cool things with arrows. You are most assuredly not gay.
For the ladies, do you fancy yourself to be most like:
Lana Lang: Beautiful, yet refined. Emotional, but controlled, realizing that all the boys want to screw you but yet holding out for that one special love of your life. You may or may not have a spiritual past tied to witchcraft or may not have lost your parents to a freak meteor shower, but you are the prim and proper combination of social ingenue and incurable romantic that makes the boys want you and the girls want to claw your eyes out. And, like every hot chick you just can't stay away from the unavailable bad boys who inevitably tear your heart out; the only difference is you don't go lesbian in the process. You love wearing lots and lots of lip gloss, to the point where geologists can measure your age from the sedimentary layers.
Lois Lane: The original Margot Kidder cigs and OJ archetype aside, you're the better, stronger, and faster. Daddy's girl with a rebel streak, you are out there to take charge, show that sisters are doing it for themselves, but still retain a feminine quality that gives you the edge in every situation. You know you're a hottie, with a finger on the pulse of the guys that Lana seems clueless to, but all it takes is a little red kryptonite lipstick or magic to turn you into a Girls-Gone-Wild runner-up. You wouldn't spin on a stripper pole in real life, but you would to get the dirt on your next story. And yes, we know the boobs are fake.
Chloe Sullivan: The queen of unrequited love. Pining over this strange dreamy man since high school, you've become the intellectual whore (and eventual secret confidant) to the young Man of Steel, who can't get his Kryptonian mind made up over who he really loves (hint: It isn't YOU), and he's too clouded by his duty to humanity to just make a choice and let you move on. You've lost every potential relationship because your boyfriends can see through you like a 1-ply Kleenex when it comes to your gushiness over Clark. Then again, you are Spanish Fly to every pocket protector-wearing, taped glasses dork that comes down the pike, and your smile lights up a room in a way that makes you the girl the guy wants to settle down with as opposed to mark another conquest notch on his belt.
For the guys:
Clark Kent (Kal-El): Let's face it, super powers, hot MILF for a mom, your dad is fucking BO DUKE! You are the man! Then again, your entire planet rained down upon you when you came here, and every week some Tom, Dick or Harry sticks a green rock in your face that makes you weak and helpless. You're not only a orphan, but the Last Scion to a powerful race of beings, with the spirit of your father hounding you to conquer and not serve. In addition, he sounds amazingly like a British drag queen driving across the Outback in a bus, and he tends to give you a lot of conflicting advice on things. You also know that the first girl you bang is going to get the top of her head popped off when you cum, so you're very very careful as to how you choose your future mate (for those who have read the Larry Niven short story, we won't even get into the prohibition on masturbation). Life is tough for you, but you're still the King.
Lex Luthor: Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely; but it fucking ROCKS absolutely, too. Despite the problems having a dad just as evil as you (the attempted murders got a bit old), you're young, rich, powerful, built, and have the cueball head that drives the ladies and Captain Picard groupies WILD. In 9 years you still have no idea that the guy who saved your life will become your greatest nemesis, but you're too busy banging his long-time crush to care. You don't have any superpowers other than your ego, but a truly powerful man makes himself, right? Sure you've been a vessel for an evil Kryptonian warlord, but you're still a softie inside when it comes to the ladies; why send 20 dozen roses when you can simply buy the floral shop and have the owner killed?
Oliver Queen: Yes, we know you're rich and powerful and hot, so move along. You grew up a spoiled little rich boy just like Lex, but unlike him you turned a teenage tragedy into a desire to make amends and work for good. Bruce Wayne picked Ninjas and shadow warriors as a basis for his crimefighting choices; you picked Robin Hood--good going. You have just as much chutzpah as Lex does, but without the uber-dark past and urge to control everything--plus you still have your hair. You have a hard-on for Lois the size of Florida, but that darn work always gets in the way. You know that you are destined for great things, but the whole Garrett from Thief look gets old pretty quick. You have a fetish for the color green, and a penchant to do really cool things with arrows. You are most assuredly not gay.
