stillblessed23
A half full kinda girl
First and foremost I'm so glad the site is back up. It was down for a couple of days and that freaked me out lol.
For the longest time I have been jaded about my love for fat. I mean I have wanted to be fat for as long as I can remember but for various reasons I tried to tell myself that it was not ok. I tried to tell myself to be happy with my previous size of 288 lbs and accept me for me, even though it wasn't a complete version of myself. Well over the past month the past two weeks even more so I have been eating like I used to when I tried to gain intentionally. It awoke a person inside me that was so happy to be free,as I type this honestly all I can think about is what am I about to eat because I am literally starving lol. Don't get me wrong there is still a part of me that is saying but what about your family and the people at work who were "inspired" by you losing weight for your health. (I went from 330 ish last year to 288 because my weight was affecting my reproductive health) but the way I feel right now is so amazing. I can't describe the feeling and I haven't felt it in a long time. I got on the scale today on an empty stomach mind you and it said 302.4. That is almost 15 lbs in a month! it took me three times that amount of time to lose it lol. I want to keep going forward and I think I truly do want to give into my desires this time. I know going up and down on the scale is worse than being skinny, average, or fat, I did an entire research paper on it. I just have to be sure that I am ready mentally to deal with all of the scrutiny that is about to come my way. I truly think I'm ready to give into my desires. What about you guys what was it that made you want to give in and just gain because you knew that is what made you happy despite what everyone else around you said or thought?
For the longest time I have been jaded about my love for fat. I mean I have wanted to be fat for as long as I can remember but for various reasons I tried to tell myself that it was not ok. I tried to tell myself to be happy with my previous size of 288 lbs and accept me for me, even though it wasn't a complete version of myself. Well over the past month the past two weeks even more so I have been eating like I used to when I tried to gain intentionally. It awoke a person inside me that was so happy to be free,as I type this honestly all I can think about is what am I about to eat because I am literally starving lol. Don't get me wrong there is still a part of me that is saying but what about your family and the people at work who were "inspired" by you losing weight for your health. (I went from 330 ish last year to 288 because my weight was affecting my reproductive health) but the way I feel right now is so amazing. I can't describe the feeling and I haven't felt it in a long time. I got on the scale today on an empty stomach mind you and it said 302.4. That is almost 15 lbs in a month! it took me three times that amount of time to lose it lol. I want to keep going forward and I think I truly do want to give into my desires this time. I know going up and down on the scale is worse than being skinny, average, or fat, I did an entire research paper on it. I just have to be sure that I am ready mentally to deal with all of the scrutiny that is about to come my way. I truly think I'm ready to give into my desires. What about you guys what was it that made you want to give in and just gain because you knew that is what made you happy despite what everyone else around you said or thought?
