... they can't accept your weight.
I have 3 close friends. Two of them (guys) couldn't care less about my weight. The other (girl), whom I love and adore, will not let it drop.
I find it very hard to make a stand about this. I've tried before- saying that I'm comfortable with my appearance, that if I do lose weight it will be at my own initiative, in my own time, and because I've changed my lifestyle not because I'm trying to lose weight.
To explain that last bit, I'm trying to eat less junk food and exercise more, to which the goal is to try for a HAES lifestyle. This has caused...more a change in shape than a change in weight, but it's got my friend dropping those kinda comments about how I've lost so much weight and how proud she is of me and how worried she was about my size and, the kicker, "I'm glad you're finally dropping that fat-is-beautiful crap."
I've tried very hard to talk to her about this, and she has finally accepted that I will never be thin and that I don't want to be, and is fine with that. But she still clings to this idea of there being "fat" and "oh god thats disgusting fat", and she isn't comfortable with me being ok with what she sees as the "oh god thats disgusting" side of the fat spectrum. For example, I can't go to the theatre in London because trying to fit in the seats causes me excruciating pain. She finds this horrific, and definately not in the same context I do. -_-
In other ways, she is amazing, but she is never going to be OK with this, and it irks me. Because my acceptance of my own body and appearance is important to me - not in a big showy way but in that its a part of my everyday self image and my life. My refusal to feel body shame has changed my life in so many positive ways. It hurts that she can't see this, however much I try to explain, because in her head I'm sick and she wants that to change. She's coming from a good place but..
ARGH!
Know what I mean?
The other day I was hanging at another friends house and he was using my belly for a pillow (I make a frickin EPIC pillow) and he said he was glad I was big because it made me more cuddly and soft. It was nice to have someone say something positive about my body, completely out of the blue and fishingless, that wasnt sex related or deliberately focusing away from my fat self. I guess I just wish I could get that from my female friend too rather than her comments making me feel like I should doubt my own convictions.
I have 3 close friends. Two of them (guys) couldn't care less about my weight. The other (girl), whom I love and adore, will not let it drop.
I find it very hard to make a stand about this. I've tried before- saying that I'm comfortable with my appearance, that if I do lose weight it will be at my own initiative, in my own time, and because I've changed my lifestyle not because I'm trying to lose weight.
To explain that last bit, I'm trying to eat less junk food and exercise more, to which the goal is to try for a HAES lifestyle. This has caused...more a change in shape than a change in weight, but it's got my friend dropping those kinda comments about how I've lost so much weight and how proud she is of me and how worried she was about my size and, the kicker, "I'm glad you're finally dropping that fat-is-beautiful crap."
I've tried very hard to talk to her about this, and she has finally accepted that I will never be thin and that I don't want to be, and is fine with that. But she still clings to this idea of there being "fat" and "oh god thats disgusting fat", and she isn't comfortable with me being ok with what she sees as the "oh god thats disgusting" side of the fat spectrum. For example, I can't go to the theatre in London because trying to fit in the seats causes me excruciating pain. She finds this horrific, and definately not in the same context I do. -_-
In other ways, she is amazing, but she is never going to be OK with this, and it irks me. Because my acceptance of my own body and appearance is important to me - not in a big showy way but in that its a part of my everyday self image and my life. My refusal to feel body shame has changed my life in so many positive ways. It hurts that she can't see this, however much I try to explain, because in her head I'm sick and she wants that to change. She's coming from a good place but..
ARGH!
Know what I mean?
The other day I was hanging at another friends house and he was using my belly for a pillow (I make a frickin EPIC pillow) and he said he was glad I was big because it made me more cuddly and soft. It was nice to have someone say something positive about my body, completely out of the blue and fishingless, that wasnt sex related or deliberately focusing away from my fat self. I guess I just wish I could get that from my female friend too rather than her comments making me feel like I should doubt my own convictions.
