butterflyblob
Active Member
This is the first thread I've ever started on Dimensions. I comment a lot but I haven't been around much recently.
My first full-fledged BHM boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago.
We met on a mainstream online dating site. We'd been talking online for about a month before we ever met--and by "talking" I mean long, hardcore getting-to-know-you emails, not just meaningless instant messaging. We had the relationship talk right after our first in-person date, and things seemed to going well for the next few weeks. He made a lot of plans for us for the future, including buying concert tickets for next month. He even invited me to dinner with his parents.
Then Sunday night, he broke up with me. A big part of the reason, according to him, was the fact that he couldn't deal with dating someone who was as attracted to him as he was to her.
I probably shouldn't have been so surprised by this. By his own admission, his relationship history was pretty empty. He had one serious girlfriend. I was the first girl he ever had sex with. There were several girls in his past whom he was interested in who rejected him at least partially because of his weight. I was very clear with him from the start that I'm attracted to bigger guys, and he seemed okay with that. He lost ~80 pounds before we met and was in the process of trying to lose about twice that much. I told him honestly that I was attracted to him now, but I would still be attracted to him smaller if that was what he wanted. Now he's saying that he isn't going to date again until after he finishes losing weight and is happy with himself.
I'd really love to chalk this experience up to the unique insecurities of the guy in question, but the truth is that every single one of my dating experiences has been plagued by similar problems. Most of the other guys I've dated, including my only serious relationship, were "stocky" and found my attraction to their chubby stomachs very disconcerting. The only other full-fledged BHMs I've encountered haven't been interested in me for a number of reasons--a recurring one was my own weight. (I would probably be considered barely chubby in this venue, but throughout high school I was about 50 pounds heavier.)
I'm young--23--and all of the guys I've dated have been a few years older than I am at most. The most recent one was 26.
I know that I can't change anyone, and that self-acceptance has to come from within and not from anyone else. I'm not aware of myself being drawn to insecurity, although I suppose it could be a subconscious possibility. I guess what I'm asking for by posting my story is some hope, some reassurance that I'm not doomed to repeat some version of this story for the rest of my life. Rationally or not, I keep thinking that I'd be better off if I could suck it up and learn to like skinny guys.
My first full-fledged BHM boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago.
We met on a mainstream online dating site. We'd been talking online for about a month before we ever met--and by "talking" I mean long, hardcore getting-to-know-you emails, not just meaningless instant messaging. We had the relationship talk right after our first in-person date, and things seemed to going well for the next few weeks. He made a lot of plans for us for the future, including buying concert tickets for next month. He even invited me to dinner with his parents.
Then Sunday night, he broke up with me. A big part of the reason, according to him, was the fact that he couldn't deal with dating someone who was as attracted to him as he was to her.
I probably shouldn't have been so surprised by this. By his own admission, his relationship history was pretty empty. He had one serious girlfriend. I was the first girl he ever had sex with. There were several girls in his past whom he was interested in who rejected him at least partially because of his weight. I was very clear with him from the start that I'm attracted to bigger guys, and he seemed okay with that. He lost ~80 pounds before we met and was in the process of trying to lose about twice that much. I told him honestly that I was attracted to him now, but I would still be attracted to him smaller if that was what he wanted. Now he's saying that he isn't going to date again until after he finishes losing weight and is happy with himself.
I'd really love to chalk this experience up to the unique insecurities of the guy in question, but the truth is that every single one of my dating experiences has been plagued by similar problems. Most of the other guys I've dated, including my only serious relationship, were "stocky" and found my attraction to their chubby stomachs very disconcerting. The only other full-fledged BHMs I've encountered haven't been interested in me for a number of reasons--a recurring one was my own weight. (I would probably be considered barely chubby in this venue, but throughout high school I was about 50 pounds heavier.)
I'm young--23--and all of the guys I've dated have been a few years older than I am at most. The most recent one was 26.
I know that I can't change anyone, and that self-acceptance has to come from within and not from anyone else. I'm not aware of myself being drawn to insecurity, although I suppose it could be a subconscious possibility. I guess what I'm asking for by posting my story is some hope, some reassurance that I'm not doomed to repeat some version of this story for the rest of my life. Rationally or not, I keep thinking that I'd be better off if I could suck it up and learn to like skinny guys.
