The other day I came across a post where a woman voiced ambivalence over online FAs. All those men pursue her in chat or on forums and compliment her, but in real life there is no one for her to go out with, lean on and rely on. She felt the difference between this online world and the real world was hard to take. Below is my response that I posted in the Dimensions Clubhouse but wanted to repeat here:
That is very sad to read. As an average-sized FA I can only relate in part to the experience, of course, but there is probably the FA counterpart to it. Like when I attended my very first NAAFA Convention back in 1983 or so and finally felt safe and whole and happy. It was such a high for those five days that the real world afterwards seemed unreal, hostile and I didn't want to have any part of it, I wanted to go back to my family, my community.
Eventually I decided to make size acceptance my primary purpose in life. I continued my corporate career but more and more spent time on size acceptance issues and projects. It made no sense to me to want one thing and do another. That included several steps. I did need to find out what I wanted and needed in my personal life, as a partner, and eventually that I found. Then I needed to find out what I could do to bring our community together and help as best as I could. That led to decades in NAAFA leadership, doing Dimensions, doing BBW, TV, and so on.
Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been if I were not a FA. If I had not experienced the incredible wonders, the ever-so-sweet everyday life, even the many heartbreaks and injustices and banging my head against the wall in trying to change things.
You mention the queen-of-the-dance versus being alone in real life syndrome. I don't know what your circumstances are, but back when I attended conventions and dances, I often wondered how some of those incredibly beautiful, elegant, gorgeous, witty, and eloquent fat women were single, why some lucky FA had not quickly snatched them away. Sometimes I still don't get it. I know the men are out there. What keeps them from choosing the right path?
Of course, what is the right path may not be the same for all of us. Me, I made size acceptance, this community, our community my life. It became the norm rather than the exception. Knowing what tasks where mine and which hers. Knowing where she needed help and what she would do to help me. Where to park the car, where to offer help and where not. How to be prepared for which situations, what to say and where to look the other way. What to research, what to accept and what to fight. The wondrous bliss of being fulfilled as I had always vaguely known I could be, but hadn't been until I'd found myself and my place in the world.
The years have made me somewhat more jaded. We get battle-scarred, seen it all, sometimes wonder why bother. While out there they contemplate whether to put warning labels on soda cans ("The Surgeon General has determined that drinking soda can make you fat! Bla-ba-bla..") I still feel teaching size acceptance would be a whole lot cheaper and certainly a whole lot more humane, compassionate and rational than funding the War on Obesity. Ralph, where are you when we need you?
As is, so much love and passion and human goodness is lost and wasted, so many dreams dashed, so much injustice incurred, so much legally-sanctioned discrimination tolerated. This cannot stand, and hence this community exists. And I hope it keeps growing and one day becomes the norm and not the exception.
That is very sad to read. As an average-sized FA I can only relate in part to the experience, of course, but there is probably the FA counterpart to it. Like when I attended my very first NAAFA Convention back in 1983 or so and finally felt safe and whole and happy. It was such a high for those five days that the real world afterwards seemed unreal, hostile and I didn't want to have any part of it, I wanted to go back to my family, my community.
Eventually I decided to make size acceptance my primary purpose in life. I continued my corporate career but more and more spent time on size acceptance issues and projects. It made no sense to me to want one thing and do another. That included several steps. I did need to find out what I wanted and needed in my personal life, as a partner, and eventually that I found. Then I needed to find out what I could do to bring our community together and help as best as I could. That led to decades in NAAFA leadership, doing Dimensions, doing BBW, TV, and so on.
Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been if I were not a FA. If I had not experienced the incredible wonders, the ever-so-sweet everyday life, even the many heartbreaks and injustices and banging my head against the wall in trying to change things.
You mention the queen-of-the-dance versus being alone in real life syndrome. I don't know what your circumstances are, but back when I attended conventions and dances, I often wondered how some of those incredibly beautiful, elegant, gorgeous, witty, and eloquent fat women were single, why some lucky FA had not quickly snatched them away. Sometimes I still don't get it. I know the men are out there. What keeps them from choosing the right path?
Of course, what is the right path may not be the same for all of us. Me, I made size acceptance, this community, our community my life. It became the norm rather than the exception. Knowing what tasks where mine and which hers. Knowing where she needed help and what she would do to help me. Where to park the car, where to offer help and where not. How to be prepared for which situations, what to say and where to look the other way. What to research, what to accept and what to fight. The wondrous bliss of being fulfilled as I had always vaguely known I could be, but hadn't been until I'd found myself and my place in the world.
The years have made me somewhat more jaded. We get battle-scarred, seen it all, sometimes wonder why bother. While out there they contemplate whether to put warning labels on soda cans ("The Surgeon General has determined that drinking soda can make you fat! Bla-ba-bla..") I still feel teaching size acceptance would be a whole lot cheaper and certainly a whole lot more humane, compassionate and rational than funding the War on Obesity. Ralph, where are you when we need you?
As is, so much love and passion and human goodness is lost and wasted, so many dreams dashed, so much injustice incurred, so much legally-sanctioned discrimination tolerated. This cannot stand, and hence this community exists. And I hope it keeps growing and one day becomes the norm and not the exception.
