Fuzzy Necromancer
Well-Known Member
First, in my experience, there might not always be a bigger fish, but there's always a worse movie. There IS no "worst" movie, due to the combination of subjective experience and different types of bad.
With that in mind, what would be prime your choice for each of the bad categories, and which among those would you select as the worst movie you have ever seen?
Tainting Bad:
Some movies are grim and gritty, but these are lewd in a way that simply surpasses german porn sexual awfulness and enters a new territory. Regardless of production values, these movies leave you wanting to clean your skin with lava soap and a brillo pad.
Examples: Hobgoblins, where the generic whore girl has contrived to wear such a garment that it would actually be less sickeningly suggestive if she was stark naked. The Swinging Cheerleaders, from "The 50 worst movies of all time". Also from the 50 Worst Movies of All Time, Galaxy of Terror, which tries to titilate audiences by having a worm-like alien rape a girl.
Campy Bad:
You know this. There are microphone shadows, the monster is a guy with a cardboard box on his head, and the sky wobbles whenever somebody stomps their feet. This is often accompanied by another kind of badness.
Examples: Robot Monster, Goliath vs. The Dragon (non-MST3K, but worth the mention), Plan 9 From Outer Space
WTF Bad:
These are movies where Bruce Lee's half-angel cousin teams up with the ghost of alien cyborg frankenstien to fight zombie santa from the phantom zone. There is a general incongruity, suspension of disbelief snaps like a toothpick diaroma under a waterlogged sumo wrestler, and disparate elements are introduced with little or no explanation. Also can apply to movies that can't decide what movie they are, and introduce a number of thematic elements without follow up.
Examples: Wild World of Batwoman, Frankenstein Conquers the World
Gorilla Suit Bad: Any movie involving a Gorilla suit. Frequently overlaps with Incomplete bad and Campy bad.
Examples: Robot Monster, The Ape, Teenage Zombies
Hollywood Bad:
Every big-name actor is payed their weight in uranium (all 89 pounds of it), the special effects sear across the screen to scorch unprepared retinas, production values go through the roof, money is siphoned in from other areas, but all is a in vain. There are some good actors, but this is weakened by the crappy dialouge their forced to recite. It only draw attention to the flaws in the main actors, who always manage to take up the protagonists and leading roles. The light of quality only makes the gaping plotholes, weak dialogue, flat characters, and over-recycled mediocrity more apparent.
Examples: Dungeons and Dragons, X-Men 3, Anything by Uwel Bowl
The Void
These are movies with little or no plot, action, character, or anything. They are a semi-sentient nullity that echoes across the screen, draining life from your veins and diluting your soul through your eyeballs. They would not drive a man to suicide, but they might make him die by virtue of convincing him it's not worth the effort to keep drawing breath. These are films of astounding, shocking dullness and drab mundanity, cinemas that you would have to colorize merely to make them grey.
Examples: Anything by coleman francis, especially "The Beast of Yucca Flats", Invasion of the Neptune Men
Incomplete Bad
These movies don't exactly have weak plots, acting, production values, so much as one or more of these elements is entirely lacking. Maybe they're a plotless succession of passionately acted and well-produced but seemingly unconnected scenes. Maybe the director had a hissy fit so the filming crew decided to work without him. Maybe parts of the film just don't click, there's some bio-engineered monster but it's never clear which member of the cast or prop is supposed to be the monster in question. Whatever it is, there's some key element lacking that would be needed to make this a "Motion Picture".
Examples: Wild World of Batwoman, Most things by coleman francis, Bride of the Monster
Pointless Bad
These are movies that started with an awful premise, and some hollywood bigwig, still hung over and coming down from a cocaine-high, said "let's do it!" The idea itself, not the cast, crew, or creators, is the thing that is wrong. Often overlaps with Campy bad or Hollywood bad.
Examples: Cocktail, The Starfighters, Crossroads
With that in mind, what would be prime your choice for each of the bad categories, and which among those would you select as the worst movie you have ever seen?
Tainting Bad:
Some movies are grim and gritty, but these are lewd in a way that simply surpasses german porn sexual awfulness and enters a new territory. Regardless of production values, these movies leave you wanting to clean your skin with lava soap and a brillo pad.
Examples: Hobgoblins, where the generic whore girl has contrived to wear such a garment that it would actually be less sickeningly suggestive if she was stark naked. The Swinging Cheerleaders, from "The 50 worst movies of all time". Also from the 50 Worst Movies of All Time, Galaxy of Terror, which tries to titilate audiences by having a worm-like alien rape a girl.
Campy Bad:
You know this. There are microphone shadows, the monster is a guy with a cardboard box on his head, and the sky wobbles whenever somebody stomps their feet. This is often accompanied by another kind of badness.
Examples: Robot Monster, Goliath vs. The Dragon (non-MST3K, but worth the mention), Plan 9 From Outer Space
WTF Bad:
These are movies where Bruce Lee's half-angel cousin teams up with the ghost of alien cyborg frankenstien to fight zombie santa from the phantom zone. There is a general incongruity, suspension of disbelief snaps like a toothpick diaroma under a waterlogged sumo wrestler, and disparate elements are introduced with little or no explanation. Also can apply to movies that can't decide what movie they are, and introduce a number of thematic elements without follow up.
Examples: Wild World of Batwoman, Frankenstein Conquers the World
Gorilla Suit Bad: Any movie involving a Gorilla suit. Frequently overlaps with Incomplete bad and Campy bad.
Examples: Robot Monster, The Ape, Teenage Zombies
Hollywood Bad:
Every big-name actor is payed their weight in uranium (all 89 pounds of it), the special effects sear across the screen to scorch unprepared retinas, production values go through the roof, money is siphoned in from other areas, but all is a in vain. There are some good actors, but this is weakened by the crappy dialouge their forced to recite. It only draw attention to the flaws in the main actors, who always manage to take up the protagonists and leading roles. The light of quality only makes the gaping plotholes, weak dialogue, flat characters, and over-recycled mediocrity more apparent.
Examples: Dungeons and Dragons, X-Men 3, Anything by Uwel Bowl
The Void
These are movies with little or no plot, action, character, or anything. They are a semi-sentient nullity that echoes across the screen, draining life from your veins and diluting your soul through your eyeballs. They would not drive a man to suicide, but they might make him die by virtue of convincing him it's not worth the effort to keep drawing breath. These are films of astounding, shocking dullness and drab mundanity, cinemas that you would have to colorize merely to make them grey.
Examples: Anything by coleman francis, especially "The Beast of Yucca Flats", Invasion of the Neptune Men
Incomplete Bad
These movies don't exactly have weak plots, acting, production values, so much as one or more of these elements is entirely lacking. Maybe they're a plotless succession of passionately acted and well-produced but seemingly unconnected scenes. Maybe the director had a hissy fit so the filming crew decided to work without him. Maybe parts of the film just don't click, there's some bio-engineered monster but it's never clear which member of the cast or prop is supposed to be the monster in question. Whatever it is, there's some key element lacking that would be needed to make this a "Motion Picture".
Examples: Wild World of Batwoman, Most things by coleman francis, Bride of the Monster
Pointless Bad
These are movies that started with an awful premise, and some hollywood bigwig, still hung over and coming down from a cocaine-high, said "let's do it!" The idea itself, not the cast, crew, or creators, is the thing that is wrong. Often overlaps with Campy bad or Hollywood bad.
Examples: Cocktail, The Starfighters, Crossroads
