Buffetbelly
Nosh, destroyer of snacks
- You use the term "double parking" to describe your need two seats side by side.
- You ask for super size but complain that it looks like a medium size meal.
- You have to literally roll out of bed every morning.
- Your favorite exercise used to be speed walking, but now it's speed waddling.
- Your mouth waters uncontrollably whenever you see or smell food.
- Breakfast, lunch and dinner are all done buffet style!
- You have desserts as part of the appetizers.
- A crowd gathers to watch them change the total amount of burgers sold on the golden arches at McD's after you place
your order.
- You use a hoola hoop as a belt for your pants.
- Your webcam/camera needs a wide lens to get all of you in.
- Buffet managers fake being closed when they see you coming.
- One motion can set your gut jiggling for hours.
- You have to lift your belly up and set it on the table.
- Sometimes, when you go left your fat goes right.
- When you think of food every 5 seconds.
- When the waitress automatically seats you at a table because you don't have a prayer of fitting in a booth.
- You're really a fat boy when no one else can get into the elevator with you because it will excede the maximum
weight limit.
- You're really really a fat boy when the elevator doors close on your belly.
- You have to actually count with your fingers to find out how many chins you have.
- You no longer eat between meal snacks because there is no break between meals.
- The love seat in your living room is only big enough for you.
- When you set a beer on your gut and it sinks right in and disappears from sight.
- When sumo wrestlers look at you and say "DAMN!".
- When taking a picture of your gut requires more than one sitting.
- The only way you can find the buttons on your shirt is to have them marked by latitude and longitude!
- You can no longer reach the faucet handles to wash your hands and you have to stand sideways to do it.
- You can no longer use a urinal because your belly won't let you get close enough to pee!
- You start tripping over objects on the floor or missing steps and curbs because your belly protrudes so much that
you don't see these things.
- You can't kneel down in church because you can't push your gut into the pew in front of you far enough to get your
knees on the kneeler.
- The only way you can dry your feet off after a shower is to use a hair dryer.
- When airplane tray tables go down about one inch before hitting your belly, rendering them utterly useless.
- You can't see your member.
- Your stomach enters the room several seconds before you do.
- You get turned down to play Santa Claus because the kids couldn't fit on your lap.
- Your girth exceeds your height.
- The new jeans that you bought last month are your thin jeans now.
- You need a mirror to see where your belt buckles.
- When the big and tall store doesnt have your size.
- When it doesnt matter whether or not you're wearing clothes: your privates are always fully covered from view.
- You ask for super size but complain that it looks like a medium size meal.
- You have to literally roll out of bed every morning.
- Your favorite exercise used to be speed walking, but now it's speed waddling.
- Your mouth waters uncontrollably whenever you see or smell food.
- Breakfast, lunch and dinner are all done buffet style!
- You have desserts as part of the appetizers.
- A crowd gathers to watch them change the total amount of burgers sold on the golden arches at McD's after you place
your order.
- You use a hoola hoop as a belt for your pants.
- Your webcam/camera needs a wide lens to get all of you in.
- Buffet managers fake being closed when they see you coming.
- One motion can set your gut jiggling for hours.
- You have to lift your belly up and set it on the table.
- Sometimes, when you go left your fat goes right.
- When you think of food every 5 seconds.
- When the waitress automatically seats you at a table because you don't have a prayer of fitting in a booth.
- You're really a fat boy when no one else can get into the elevator with you because it will excede the maximum
weight limit.
- You're really really a fat boy when the elevator doors close on your belly.
- You have to actually count with your fingers to find out how many chins you have.
- You no longer eat between meal snacks because there is no break between meals.
- The love seat in your living room is only big enough for you.
- When you set a beer on your gut and it sinks right in and disappears from sight.
- When sumo wrestlers look at you and say "DAMN!".
- When taking a picture of your gut requires more than one sitting.
- The only way you can find the buttons on your shirt is to have them marked by latitude and longitude!
- You can no longer reach the faucet handles to wash your hands and you have to stand sideways to do it.
- You can no longer use a urinal because your belly won't let you get close enough to pee!
- You start tripping over objects on the floor or missing steps and curbs because your belly protrudes so much that
you don't see these things.
- You can't kneel down in church because you can't push your gut into the pew in front of you far enough to get your
knees on the kneeler.
- The only way you can dry your feet off after a shower is to use a hair dryer.
- When airplane tray tables go down about one inch before hitting your belly, rendering them utterly useless.
- You can't see your member.
- Your stomach enters the room several seconds before you do.
- You get turned down to play Santa Claus because the kids couldn't fit on your lap.
- Your girth exceeds your height.
- The new jeans that you bought last month are your thin jeans now.
- You need a mirror to see where your belt buckles.
- When the big and tall store doesnt have your size.
- When it doesnt matter whether or not you're wearing clothes: your privates are always fully covered from view.
