Does anyone struggle with this besides me?
Here is what I mean. I personally do not like to use the word "fat" when describing someone. I think it is belittling and undermines that person's dignity. I realize not everyone here feels that way. Some are indifferent to it, and others seem to even embrace it. I guess we all see the same thing a little differently, and that should come as no surprise.
I also noticed that while my wife would describe herself as fat, if I did I could look out! The word was hurtful to her when from out outside source, especially her husband.
But it's not just "fat." For a long time I preferred words like "overweight" because it was a much more gentle way to describe someone. Yet the more I think about it the more I am alert to the implication derived from the term, that being society has an ideal weight range for people and someone who is above that is "overweight." Again, it is not as hurtful as "fat" but it gives legitimacy to an arbitrary standard society has adopted as "ideal."
Saying someone carried "extra pounds" is the exact same thing. "BBW" can be dangerous territory because of the use of the word "big." I described my wife as a BBW once and she shut that down!
Now one thing I learned was to avoid explaining myself if at all possible. When a date asked why I was interested in her, I eventually just started explaining every guy likes a pretty girl and I was no different. But sometimes it was impossible to tap dance around the elephant in the room. (I can't believe I just said that. :doh Sometimes the subject of weight would just come up and there was no avoiding it. And in those cases, looking for the right way to explain an often sensitive subject was a challenge.
I've also learned a lot about how to interact with my wife, what she likes, dislikes, and how this subject should be addressed with her. Where I still find the topic interesting is how society approaches it.
It is still very much appropriate to deride "fat." Don't believe me? At least once a week I'll see some asshat in his lifted pickup (with the nutsack trailer hitch cover) and a sticker that says, "No fat chicks." Go ahead and swap out "fat" for "black" and see how acceptable that is. We also often hear reference to the "obesity problem" even though the metric employed is BMI, which GREATLY overstates the problem. For example, I am 5'7" and weigh 165. I used to do a lot of endurance running, but a series of knee and ankle injuries forced me off the trails and into the weight room. I'm in solid shape, lean/muscular, have good physique (I like to think I'm a slightly smaller version of Michelangelo's David) and my BMI is 25.8, well into the "overweight." Nobody who sees me unclothed would ever conclude I am "overweight." So any study using BMI as a metric is flawed from the start.
So here is my question. How do you approach it? Does society lack a dignified way to describe "fat?" Or am I overly sensitive to this? FWIW, I have no use whatsoever for political correctness. But I do value the dignity of others. There has got to be a way to give a one-word physical description of someone that doesn't convey negative. We have "thin" "athletic" "petite" "curvy" and so on. But if I want to give a one word description of a woman who is 5'4" and over 300 pounds, how would I go about it in such a way that describes her basic shape and size but doesn't convey a negative connotation?
I welcome your thoughts.
Here is what I mean. I personally do not like to use the word "fat" when describing someone. I think it is belittling and undermines that person's dignity. I realize not everyone here feels that way. Some are indifferent to it, and others seem to even embrace it. I guess we all see the same thing a little differently, and that should come as no surprise.
I also noticed that while my wife would describe herself as fat, if I did I could look out! The word was hurtful to her when from out outside source, especially her husband.
But it's not just "fat." For a long time I preferred words like "overweight" because it was a much more gentle way to describe someone. Yet the more I think about it the more I am alert to the implication derived from the term, that being society has an ideal weight range for people and someone who is above that is "overweight." Again, it is not as hurtful as "fat" but it gives legitimacy to an arbitrary standard society has adopted as "ideal."
Saying someone carried "extra pounds" is the exact same thing. "BBW" can be dangerous territory because of the use of the word "big." I described my wife as a BBW once and she shut that down!
Now one thing I learned was to avoid explaining myself if at all possible. When a date asked why I was interested in her, I eventually just started explaining every guy likes a pretty girl and I was no different. But sometimes it was impossible to tap dance around the elephant in the room. (I can't believe I just said that. :doh
Sometimes the subject of weight would just come up and there was no avoiding it. And in those cases, looking for the right way to explain an often sensitive subject was a challenge.I've also learned a lot about how to interact with my wife, what she likes, dislikes, and how this subject should be addressed with her. Where I still find the topic interesting is how society approaches it.
It is still very much appropriate to deride "fat." Don't believe me? At least once a week I'll see some asshat in his lifted pickup (with the nutsack trailer hitch cover) and a sticker that says, "No fat chicks." Go ahead and swap out "fat" for "black" and see how acceptable that is. We also often hear reference to the "obesity problem" even though the metric employed is BMI, which GREATLY overstates the problem. For example, I am 5'7" and weigh 165. I used to do a lot of endurance running, but a series of knee and ankle injuries forced me off the trails and into the weight room. I'm in solid shape, lean/muscular, have good physique (I like to think I'm a slightly smaller version of Michelangelo's David) and my BMI is 25.8, well into the "overweight." Nobody who sees me unclothed would ever conclude I am "overweight." So any study using BMI as a metric is flawed from the start.
So here is my question. How do you approach it? Does society lack a dignified way to describe "fat?" Or am I overly sensitive to this? FWIW, I have no use whatsoever for political correctness. But I do value the dignity of others. There has got to be a way to give a one-word physical description of someone that doesn't convey negative. We have "thin" "athletic" "petite" "curvy" and so on. But if I want to give a one word description of a woman who is 5'4" and over 300 pounds, how would I go about it in such a way that describes her basic shape and size but doesn't convey a negative connotation?
I welcome your thoughts.
