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- May 3, 2009
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I think this is the best place to make this thread as it deals with an aspect of emotional/mental health.
I struggle with an issue of worrying about people either rejecting me or not liking me due to not pleasing them with either my answer or my actions.
I think some of it stems from my Dad being a bit passive aggressive and always trying to get him to say "good job" but this was not in his nature. My parents were not much for positive reinforcement unfortunately.
I also think this spiraled out of control for me when my Mom left my family (yes, not just my Dad but her children) when I was about 13/14.
Through my teen and adult life I found it difficult to tell people "no" when I did not want to do something because I wanted their approval.If I did say no and I felt any tension, I would then act like a shy, nervous "bad dog" and/or would later give in to them as to please them.
I have worked on this over the year and am much better at it but still find it a struggle (especially with people who are used to getting their way/pushy type/react with silent treatments or some other negative vibe). I find it hard to not feel that I am not at fault or a bad person or worrying they won't like me.
I know and say to myself that it is not ME that they do not like but the fact that they are not getting their way and/or they are just disappointed in general. I stand up for myself more and more and say "no" more and more when I need to but I want to get to where I don't feel those negative things anymore and can just go about my day without carrying the situation inside of me. Letting it go right then and there. Passive aggression also annoys me and I feel that if a person can't voice their feelings to me, that 1) there is nothing I can do 2) that's their problem not mine.
Anyone know anything about this and have any advice as how to better deal with it?
Thanks
I struggle with an issue of worrying about people either rejecting me or not liking me due to not pleasing them with either my answer or my actions.
I think some of it stems from my Dad being a bit passive aggressive and always trying to get him to say "good job" but this was not in his nature. My parents were not much for positive reinforcement unfortunately.
I also think this spiraled out of control for me when my Mom left my family (yes, not just my Dad but her children) when I was about 13/14.
Through my teen and adult life I found it difficult to tell people "no" when I did not want to do something because I wanted their approval.If I did say no and I felt any tension, I would then act like a shy, nervous "bad dog" and/or would later give in to them as to please them.
I have worked on this over the year and am much better at it but still find it a struggle (especially with people who are used to getting their way/pushy type/react with silent treatments or some other negative vibe). I find it hard to not feel that I am not at fault or a bad person or worrying they won't like me.
I know and say to myself that it is not ME that they do not like but the fact that they are not getting their way and/or they are just disappointed in general. I stand up for myself more and more and say "no" more and more when I need to but I want to get to where I don't feel those negative things anymore and can just go about my day without carrying the situation inside of me. Letting it go right then and there. Passive aggression also annoys me and I feel that if a person can't voice their feelings to me, that 1) there is nothing I can do 2) that's their problem not mine.
Anyone know anything about this and have any advice as how to better deal with it?
Thanks
