Ninja Glutton
Film and Music Geek
I'll preface this by saying that the girl I've been talking to through this board has been a great anchor of support for me and my emotional ups and downs over the past month or so. Even though we can't be together geographically, we've had a really great connection and I really care about her alot already.
Which brings me to the point of this post: I can be an insensitive asshole. I mean we knew from the beginning that we had differing religious views (mine being nonexistent), but it had never really become a problem. Today I made kind of a dickhead comment not really thinking about it and I think it really bothered her. Even with my religious friends, I make jokes and bust their balls a little bit. I didn't realize at the time how I probably sounded to her.
I've just been mulling it over since the conversation ended and I feel this huge lump inside. I'm really sad about it and I don't want her to think it's not going to work because of this. I didn't realize she was hurt because she's kind of quiet and shy about telling me if I'm bothering her or really coming at me. I'm a really vocal, stubborn person, so I kept pressing her to open up.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel like I ruined a perfectly good thing by being a douchebag, and I'm really hurting inside because of it. She kept telling me not to be sorry if that's how I really feel, but I don't think she understands that I'd renounce my own faith for her. Not that I have any, but if I did, I'd blaspheme in a second on her behalf.
No amount of philosophical differences could ever make me think of her in anything but a positive and lovely light.
I'm not the type of person to seriously regret something... I always just take it as a lesson learned, but I honestly regret this to the deepest marrow of my bones. I just feel like shit over this and I wanted to vent a little bit.
Which brings me to the point of this post: I can be an insensitive asshole. I mean we knew from the beginning that we had differing religious views (mine being nonexistent), but it had never really become a problem. Today I made kind of a dickhead comment not really thinking about it and I think it really bothered her. Even with my religious friends, I make jokes and bust their balls a little bit. I didn't realize at the time how I probably sounded to her.
I've just been mulling it over since the conversation ended and I feel this huge lump inside. I'm really sad about it and I don't want her to think it's not going to work because of this. I didn't realize she was hurt because she's kind of quiet and shy about telling me if I'm bothering her or really coming at me. I'm a really vocal, stubborn person, so I kept pressing her to open up.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel like I ruined a perfectly good thing by being a douchebag, and I'm really hurting inside because of it. She kept telling me not to be sorry if that's how I really feel, but I don't think she understands that I'd renounce my own faith for her. Not that I have any, but if I did, I'd blaspheme in a second on her behalf.
No amount of philosophical differences could ever make me think of her in anything but a positive and lovely light.
I'm not the type of person to seriously regret something... I always just take it as a lesson learned, but I honestly regret this to the deepest marrow of my bones. I just feel like shit over this and I wanted to vent a little bit.
