magodamilion2
Well-Known Member
I've known I had a feeder fetish for most of my life, even before I knew any of these terms or that it was a thing. When I was around 19 or 20 I learned about the whole scene both through this website and others, and started being open about it and talking about it a lot more. I attempted to date many fat men between then and when I was around 23, with little success. I just never met anyone that I connected with emotionally, even though I was attracted to them and most of them were attracted to me.
During this time I'd already met my future husband, who was fit and thin, and I was building a very fast connection with him, even though I told him explicitly that we could never be together because I was only sexually interested in fat people. After a while though, I couldn't deny it anymore. I was insanely in love with my husband. To the point where when we finally did eventually have sex I was able to enjoy it, despite never having got off without thinking about feederism stuff before. It was the first time I'd enjoyed sex without either being with a fat person or also without imagining stuff to do with that. So we got together officially and got married, did the whole thing. Now I'm 28 and we have a son together and a house and the full grown up lifestyle. I pretty much came to terms with giving up that side of my sexual interests, and even stopped thinking about it for the most part. I was happy that apparently my sexuality was fluid enough that I could have a totally fulfilling sex life without the thing that I'd been literally obsessed with since I was a child.
But then eventually that high of being newly in love faded and I started thinking about fat fetish stuff again and feeling bummed out that I couldn't have it in real life anymore. Only mildly bummed out though, I was still chilling ultimately. It was just a niggling thought in my head that I could mostly ignore.
Until last year when covid began. I was so stressed out about covid, I could barely focus on work since it was remote now and that really threw me off at the time. So instead of working I started going back through old files one day when I re-discovered my account on here and I started writing the old story I'd started when I was 21 (as you all might already know). It was super fun and honestly was great for my sex life at first, because I'd write all this sexy fat fetish content and get all worked up and then go fuck my husband with that stuff on my mind and he'd wonder where all my enthusiasm came from. And I felt like "Nice! I can have the best of both worlds, by just using my imagination instead."
And it was fun for a while, probably until our son was born. After that we got super busy (and still are) and barely have any physical relationship anymore. Not even just sex, but even just getting to be around each other and cuddling has stopped. With all of that gone, my fat fetish thoughts have come back in full force. I honestly feel as sexually repressed and pent up as I did when I was a teenager and hadn't even discovered the scene yet. I'm majorly obsessing over all this stuff.
Then to make everything worse, I discovered that TikTok couple that was posted here a few weeks ago and it's literally got me so fucked up. I joined their Patreon and watch all their videos and I have so many feelings about it. They feel so much like a window into what my life would've been like had I chosen to be a little more patient and pursue dating fat men a little longer. It's like this alternate reality version of me where I did that, and it's so unsettling. They live in London, which is where my husband and I met and spent most of our early relationship, they have a son and similar experiences related to that, they have a similar sense of humor and style of interaction as my husband and I do. It's like the universe is telling me, see you could've had all the same exact stuff you enjoy about your life, but better. I should probably unsubscribe to them, because I do think it is genuinely messing with my happiness to watch. But even if I do stop watching them, the problem won't go away because it's like I've re-awakened this awareness that oh hey, some people out there do have it all. And probably loads of other people do as well.
I guess I'll just have to figure out how to come to terms with it again, because I am not going to blow up my whole life over lack of sexual satisfaction. Especially when I knew what I was signing up for in the first place. I just feel super frustrated and nostalgic for when I used to date and have fun with all these hot fat guys even though none of them were ever my person. I kinda wish my husband would be down to let us have a hall pass type situation, but I don't think he'd be comfortable with that and even if he were, the thought of in reality having to go out and find someone sounds too time consuming for my life right now.
During this time I'd already met my future husband, who was fit and thin, and I was building a very fast connection with him, even though I told him explicitly that we could never be together because I was only sexually interested in fat people. After a while though, I couldn't deny it anymore. I was insanely in love with my husband. To the point where when we finally did eventually have sex I was able to enjoy it, despite never having got off without thinking about feederism stuff before. It was the first time I'd enjoyed sex without either being with a fat person or also without imagining stuff to do with that. So we got together officially and got married, did the whole thing. Now I'm 28 and we have a son together and a house and the full grown up lifestyle. I pretty much came to terms with giving up that side of my sexual interests, and even stopped thinking about it for the most part. I was happy that apparently my sexuality was fluid enough that I could have a totally fulfilling sex life without the thing that I'd been literally obsessed with since I was a child.
But then eventually that high of being newly in love faded and I started thinking about fat fetish stuff again and feeling bummed out that I couldn't have it in real life anymore. Only mildly bummed out though, I was still chilling ultimately. It was just a niggling thought in my head that I could mostly ignore.
Until last year when covid began. I was so stressed out about covid, I could barely focus on work since it was remote now and that really threw me off at the time. So instead of working I started going back through old files one day when I re-discovered my account on here and I started writing the old story I'd started when I was 21 (as you all might already know). It was super fun and honestly was great for my sex life at first, because I'd write all this sexy fat fetish content and get all worked up and then go fuck my husband with that stuff on my mind and he'd wonder where all my enthusiasm came from. And I felt like "Nice! I can have the best of both worlds, by just using my imagination instead."
And it was fun for a while, probably until our son was born. After that we got super busy (and still are) and barely have any physical relationship anymore. Not even just sex, but even just getting to be around each other and cuddling has stopped. With all of that gone, my fat fetish thoughts have come back in full force. I honestly feel as sexually repressed and pent up as I did when I was a teenager and hadn't even discovered the scene yet. I'm majorly obsessing over all this stuff.
Then to make everything worse, I discovered that TikTok couple that was posted here a few weeks ago and it's literally got me so fucked up. I joined their Patreon and watch all their videos and I have so many feelings about it. They feel so much like a window into what my life would've been like had I chosen to be a little more patient and pursue dating fat men a little longer. It's like this alternate reality version of me where I did that, and it's so unsettling. They live in London, which is where my husband and I met and spent most of our early relationship, they have a son and similar experiences related to that, they have a similar sense of humor and style of interaction as my husband and I do. It's like the universe is telling me, see you could've had all the same exact stuff you enjoy about your life, but better. I should probably unsubscribe to them, because I do think it is genuinely messing with my happiness to watch. But even if I do stop watching them, the problem won't go away because it's like I've re-awakened this awareness that oh hey, some people out there do have it all. And probably loads of other people do as well.
I guess I'll just have to figure out how to come to terms with it again, because I am not going to blow up my whole life over lack of sexual satisfaction. Especially when I knew what I was signing up for in the first place. I just feel super frustrated and nostalgic for when I used to date and have fun with all these hot fat guys even though none of them were ever my person. I kinda wish my husband would be down to let us have a hall pass type situation, but I don't think he'd be comfortable with that and even if he were, the thought of in reality having to go out and find someone sounds too time consuming for my life right now.
