For years I've been torn between gaining and losing weight. Seems like I go through cycles. I'm not a dieter (as Garfield said, diet is die with a t!)... but when I eat healthier and exercise more, I lose weight pretty easily. When I eat normal and don't exercise much, I stay the same (been around 320 a couple years now).
Those of you who know me know I used to be a pretty hard core gainer. I went from 280 up to 365 over a few years, but due to some health issues (only partially due to weight - hormonal) I had to back off. But here I am again, now happy and healthy. It's so hard to tame the fatty desires that are still very much a part of who I am, even though I know there could be real health consequences to a gain.
It's not fair. Seeing other models gaining and enjoying themselves... I'm so envious. I miss it so much. I loved it.
I'm trying to get things set up to start modeling again, and I want to gain again when that happens. I want to indulge. I want to grow. I want my ample curves to expand. I've been purposely gaining and loving on my belly since I was 9 years old - when something is that ingrained in who you are as a person, you can't just ignore the feelings.
And fantasy only does so much. Having tasted reality, felt it, lived it... there's no comparison.
I am going to model, and with that I will be indulging more. I may just roll with it (hehe, rolls). Expand a little. Maybe just 20 pounds. I'll listen to my body, and if I begin to feel anything less than fantastic, I'll stop. For me, I think it's worth the risk, especially while I'm still young and resilient. ...But will I be able to stop once I begin again?
Actually, the idea of that is pretty exciting in itself. :blush:
Am I being really stupid here? I mean what I went through wasn't life threatening or anything, just really unpleasant. Basically what happens is my spinal fluid doesn't flow well between my head and my spine, so I get pressure built up around my brain (pseudotumor cerebri - I've posted about it elsewhere on this board). It's been years since I've had symptoms, and I'm on medication for it. They think what caused it was the birth control I was on in combination with my weight (hormones play a big part). I've since also had my gallbladder out, and oddly that seems to have helped my hormone imbalances a lot. I also no longer have high blood pressure thanks mostly due to a certain herb. >_> (I also think that has helped a lot with relaxing my spinal fluid pipework lol).
Things are going really well right now, and I don't want to screw it up... but oh how I miss the gaining lifestyle. If I could have a taste of it again, even just for a few months... but I know it wouldn't be just a few months lol. Could I stop at 20 pounds?
I'm trying to look at this objectively, from an outside perspective, and I think going for it and proceeding cautiously is the way to go. And I know posting on a board like this the replies will be biased... but knowing the situation and how much a part of me this culture is... what do you think?
Sorry the pics are a couple months old - working on getting some new ones done soon.
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Those of you who know me know I used to be a pretty hard core gainer. I went from 280 up to 365 over a few years, but due to some health issues (only partially due to weight - hormonal) I had to back off. But here I am again, now happy and healthy. It's so hard to tame the fatty desires that are still very much a part of who I am, even though I know there could be real health consequences to a gain.
It's not fair. Seeing other models gaining and enjoying themselves... I'm so envious. I miss it so much. I loved it.
I'm trying to get things set up to start modeling again, and I want to gain again when that happens. I want to indulge. I want to grow. I want my ample curves to expand. I've been purposely gaining and loving on my belly since I was 9 years old - when something is that ingrained in who you are as a person, you can't just ignore the feelings.
And fantasy only does so much. Having tasted reality, felt it, lived it... there's no comparison.
I am going to model, and with that I will be indulging more. I may just roll with it (hehe, rolls). Expand a little. Maybe just 20 pounds. I'll listen to my body, and if I begin to feel anything less than fantastic, I'll stop. For me, I think it's worth the risk, especially while I'm still young and resilient. ...But will I be able to stop once I begin again?
Actually, the idea of that is pretty exciting in itself. :blush:
Am I being really stupid here? I mean what I went through wasn't life threatening or anything, just really unpleasant. Basically what happens is my spinal fluid doesn't flow well between my head and my spine, so I get pressure built up around my brain (pseudotumor cerebri - I've posted about it elsewhere on this board). It's been years since I've had symptoms, and I'm on medication for it. They think what caused it was the birth control I was on in combination with my weight (hormones play a big part). I've since also had my gallbladder out, and oddly that seems to have helped my hormone imbalances a lot. I also no longer have high blood pressure thanks mostly due to a certain herb. >_> (I also think that has helped a lot with relaxing my spinal fluid pipework lol).
Things are going really well right now, and I don't want to screw it up... but oh how I miss the gaining lifestyle. If I could have a taste of it again, even just for a few months... but I know it wouldn't be just a few months lol. Could I stop at 20 pounds?
I'm trying to look at this objectively, from an outside perspective, and I think going for it and proceeding cautiously is the way to go. And I know posting on a board like this the replies will be biased... but knowing the situation and how much a part of me this culture is... what do you think?
Sorry the pics are a couple months old - working on getting some new ones done soon.
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