NC Girl 2008
New Member
I linked to this board a while back and considered joining in and participating. However, it's been the most difficult 6 months of my 29 years of life and I just haven't been sure how to reach out to anyone; real or internet.
I am struggling with my appearance. I live in a beach community with strong ties to Hollywood/film culture. Basically, we are the LA of the East Coast in a lot of aspects. The girls here are absolutely stereotypically gorgeous. I wish I was exaggerating.
It isn't new to me. I've been here for 5 years. Now, though, I'm approaching 30 and I'm 300lbs and I'm just having a hard time imagining that I'm ever going to find a niche here. I haven't tried to lose weight in several years. I did once lose about 100lbs and I hated my smaller body. The extra skin was not attractive and I had a difficult time dealing with the changes.
I'm not happy with this body either. I know there is more to it than the physical and I'm happy in spurts but truthfully, what I feel like I need to help me battle and overcome all of these stressors is a partner. I'm ready for another relationship but there seems to be zero chance of me finding that here. That makes all the stress worse because I honestly feel like the only way to find companionship is to be someone I'm not (thin)...
I'm not here to woo a man. I'm not here to whine every day. I'm just here to feel accepted and not so freakish. I'm here to erase the pain of standing in a bar only to be hit on by the drunkest of men. (Although, Friday night was the single most humorous array of drunken advances I have ever received. Creativity is appreciated.) I'm here to erase the disgust I felt when I reviewed the photos of me next to smaller friends. I just need a place where other people are big... b/c there just aren't big people here.
So, thanks for listening. I don't know that I need anything in return other than to just know that you guys allowed me to share this and put it out there. I just am in a place in my life where I don't just WANT companionship... I need it. Things are only getting worse and I need a hand to hold. POOOOOOP on people not understanding that I'm the same person whether I'm 300lbs or 1/3 of that number. Poop.
I am struggling with my appearance. I live in a beach community with strong ties to Hollywood/film culture. Basically, we are the LA of the East Coast in a lot of aspects. The girls here are absolutely stereotypically gorgeous. I wish I was exaggerating.
It isn't new to me. I've been here for 5 years. Now, though, I'm approaching 30 and I'm 300lbs and I'm just having a hard time imagining that I'm ever going to find a niche here. I haven't tried to lose weight in several years. I did once lose about 100lbs and I hated my smaller body. The extra skin was not attractive and I had a difficult time dealing with the changes.
I'm not happy with this body either. I know there is more to it than the physical and I'm happy in spurts but truthfully, what I feel like I need to help me battle and overcome all of these stressors is a partner. I'm ready for another relationship but there seems to be zero chance of me finding that here. That makes all the stress worse because I honestly feel like the only way to find companionship is to be someone I'm not (thin)...
I'm not here to woo a man. I'm not here to whine every day. I'm just here to feel accepted and not so freakish. I'm here to erase the pain of standing in a bar only to be hit on by the drunkest of men. (Although, Friday night was the single most humorous array of drunken advances I have ever received. Creativity is appreciated.) I'm here to erase the disgust I felt when I reviewed the photos of me next to smaller friends. I just need a place where other people are big... b/c there just aren't big people here.
So, thanks for listening. I don't know that I need anything in return other than to just know that you guys allowed me to share this and put it out there. I just am in a place in my life where I don't just WANT companionship... I need it. Things are only getting worse and I need a hand to hold. POOOOOOP on people not understanding that I'm the same person whether I'm 300lbs or 1/3 of that number. Poop.
