~BBW, Eating, Romance, ~SWG - a returning co-ed finds neither her weight gain or her appetite is any big deal
(This story is actually originated as a 2001 post on the Dimension's Weight Board we found archived on the WGBTB Yahoo site. It is reprinted here with permission. The original had real screen names which have been modified here.)
Author's note by Questor: Since this board likes to hear weight gain stories I'd like to share a little of mine --- which pretty much wrote itself this past holiday season along with some help from people in Dimensions weight room chat, who can verify the historical sequence of what follows. I'd also like to thank my boyfriend, whom I now know to be an SA with some writing experience, for his help in editing this story and keeping the terminology correct
-----
I'm not really that big, at least by the standards on this website. But during the last year and a half at college I have given my appetite increasingly free rein. This has added probably added forty-five pounds to a formerly svelte 135 pound frame. I have two truly BBW friends in the over 240 class, one of them in NAAFA, and a boy friend who acts like an FA though I've not confronted him on it.
My point in relating this is background. Collectively they've helped me accept the fact that I am probably a naturally heavier person and there's nothing wrong with that. So I came home this holiday season with an expanding waistline, an appetite and, perhaps, a bit of an attitude.
SUNDAY, 12/17/2000 ---
It wasn't my immediate family I was worried about - both my parents are close to 250 and the only sibling left at home is my sister who is chunky herself. I've been the family fatophobe if anyone was in the past, though I was always polite enough never to criticize or try to change others.
My concern now that I have grown larger was the relatives coming for holiday dinner who haven't seen me for several years. I envisioned them calling me "Porky" or suggesting I should "go easy," which isn't something I care to do at this particular point in my life. Eating is enjoyable and I am not yet even 180 (though getting close to it).
180 --- I would have thought that huge in high school! Now I'm nearly there and I don't really notice it except when I wear old clothes that are too tight. That's why I bought a couple of size 18 dresses and some larger slacks a week ago. The "sausage look" from trying fit into garments too small surely would encourage comments.
So, my first Sunday evening home was just me, my parents, and my sister, Beth. It was a typical family style dinner ---- meat loaf, scalloped potatoes, and green beans with almonds. I had two healthy helpings, but so did everyone else so that was no big deal. I think my Mom was pleasantly startled, because normally I wouldn't have done that in the past. The surprise was dessert --- home made sundaes (my sister's favorite). I had one too, but having dessert was something I began doing in front of the family a year ago, so no big reactions.
MONDAY, 12/18/2000 ---
Monday morning was oatmeal with coffee and toast for breakfast, which was OK but really less than I've been recently used to. It was a work day for mom and dad so I dragged Beth along with me doing shopping and visiting old friends. We had Chinese food at a food court in the mall, which was was fine with me but she was still hungry. So I let her talk me into a huge Famous Amos cookie --- and later on a double frostee cone dipped in chocolate.
Certainly I wasn't going to be getting any remarks from her! I noted that she seemed stouter than I remembered her as being, although the bulky sweater she wore in the crisp mid-sixties air made it difficult to tell.
That evening we had noodle-roni supreme with green beans and played 3 games of trivia pursuit, two of which I won. At Beth's suggestion we had some ice cream and I quietly agreed ---supper had been good but just wasn't quite enough. We talked until after our parents were in bed,
then Beth asked if I was still hungry. I admitted I was and so we finished off the leftovers from Sunday.
I noted in the warmer confines of our home that her waistband cut sharply into her belly, creating a belly roll atop her plump stomach. It was like she actually had two bellies. I have developed a very full belly, but it is neither so large or so soft. Was it possible, I wondered, that she was markedly heavier than I? I held my peace; after all, I was the one fearful of comments. We washed the dishes and put them away, eradicating the evidence, not that anyone really cared.
TUESDAY, 12/19/2000 ---
Tuesday morning both Beth and I slept past our parent's departure so I treated her to breakfast at Bob's Grille --- a local cafe where they have pancakes with eggs and sausage for $3.99. She confided in me that she had been planning on having eclairs at Winchell's (a donut shop chain) for breakfast rather than cooking and appreciated the treat.
We spent the day together, including a whopper at Burger King, and on the way home I thoughtfully remembered to stop at Winchell's. My intent was to buy her some eclairs for the next day, but they were out so we just had maple bars and coffee on the spot instead.
That evening mom was working late so dad suggested that we take her (and ourselves) out to a late evening dinner --- Mexican style at the Acapulco (very nice Mexican restaurant chain in our area). Beth and I had a combo plate which turned out to be huge, but because it had been five hours since Winchell's both of us managed to pack it all away and still have room for fried ice cream for dessert.
WEDNESDAY, 12/20/2000 ---
Wednesday I had arranged to visit some friends in the valley so I left early and skipped breakfast. We had a Chinese lunch (LA seems to be going oriental! There are Chinese language signs everywhere). We had a good time sharing post-high school experiences and boy friend stories and no one discussed weight, I was definitely the heaviest persons there.
On the way back home I wished Beth were with me so that we could hit Winchell's together. But I knew she was off with her current boy friend (not a steady date but he goes to our church and he has asked her out several times).
Mom was already in the kitchen by the time I got home, foiling my plans to be chef for the night. I noticed a store bought coconut creme pie and remarked on it, "dessert in the middle of the week?"
"Not if you don't want to - it just seemed like something everyone might enjoy."
"Not to worry," I said, giving her a hug. "I'm hungry tonight and will be careful to save room." I wondered if she could feel how famished I really felt.
We had baked chicken with rice and vegetables followed by the pie. There were two pieces left over and I could read Beth's mind. I smiled mischievously, and later that night we made another kitchen raid.
THURSDAY, 12/21 ---
Thursday I had suggested to Beth that we should visit the mountains, so I got up and packed lunch before wakening her. Well, actually I filled a thermos and made four sandwiches --- there just weren't many things appropriate for a picnic. So I stopped off at 7-11 and picked up potato salad, drinks and chips along with some candy bars. Right next door was a Winchell's --- Beth and I were of one mind and soon four eclairs were history. We hadn't had breakfast.
We hiked about two miles up a trail to a plateau overlooking the Los Angeles basin. It was a familiar and favorite place to me with a fine view of the smog layer over Los Angeles, although this day it was actually rather clear. As we hiked along it was the first time during this trip that I had a chance to really observe Beth.
She was wearing tight jeans with a tank top that clung rather tightly, Whereas my belly is definitely plump and round, it is evenly so. Hers, however, as I have mentioned is larger and softer. In the clothes she was wearing the effect was to display a very full belly roll above her quite prominent lower abdomen. I could tell that she also is carrying more weight on her legs and hips than I do. Was it possible, I wondered, that my little sister was already close to 200 lbs?
Beth surprised me with a miniature pocket chess and checker set and we played several games while enjoying our munchies. It was mid afternoon when we came back down. This time it was me who made the food stop suggestion --- at a Del Taco stand where I had a burrito grande and Beth had a combo.
"You're certainly enjoying this holiday season," she remarked.
"We both are," I replied, taking another bite of my grande. She looked at me with a smile and said nothing more, but I knew she had noted my change in attitude towards food.
That evening we had veggieburgers with mashed potatoes and baby carrots for supper because Mom apparently hadn't had time to go to the store. I wasn't about to complain, but it was not at all filling. Later Beth and I found an excuse to go to the store and we grabbed a set of Big Mac value meals along the way.
"I guess I need more to eat than I used to," I confided to Beth. "I'm glad you aren't critical."
"Critical? I think its great! I always felt guilty eating around you because you were so picky," she exclaimed. "You know Dad has always said large bodies are in our families genes - and a good appetite goes with the package!"
"Maybe that's true - at least I've become less inhibited and my b/f likes it."
"So do I - we seem closer as a result. Should we have dessert before we go back?"
And we did.
FRIDAY, 12/22/2000 ---
The next day Beth surprised me with breakfast --- toasted cheese sandwiches, a favorite of hers since girlhood that I used to avoid like the plague. Then it was off to Exposition Park and the Imax Theater. For lunch we went to El Pollo Loco, a chicken chain that co-brands Foster's soft ice cream cones. We each had their three piece dinner with two sides and a double chocolate covered cone (Beth has a thing for soft ice-cream, or maybe its just ice cream).
After some shopping we headed home where our Mom had already prepared a beef and noodle casserole to accompany a French apple pie Dad had picked up at the supermarket along with some French vanilla ice cream. Apparently the normal family constraints regarding desserts were being set aside for the holidays. I think Beth dug in with the better appetite but we both had seconds. It was a very large casserole, however, and we had about a third of it left over.
SATURDAY, 12/23/2000 ---
Saturday we had a Church service project serving the homeless in Los Angeles at noon so our Dad treated us all to Denny's beforehand. Beth and I both had omelets with hash browns and hotcakes instead of toast. Then we helped a host of other volunteers serve nearly a thousand meals while others distributed toys to children of homeless families.
It was a long day, but a satisfying and rewarding one. Beth had a dinner date and Saturday is when Dad customarily takes Mom out. They invited me along, but I had been on the run all week and told them truthfully I wouldn't mind a little time to myself. I reminded them about the leftover casserole so they said OK.
I had the casserole as soon as Beth was picked up at six, then watched TV till nine o'clock, only to find that Walker Texas Ranger had been preempted! I went out to the kitchen and found a small frozen pizza in the freezer. Surprised at my appetite I cooked it and turned on the computer in the den, which is connected to a DSL line. There I spent the next few hours online.
I visited the Dimensions site because one of my college chums had told me about the fashion page of Sandie Sabo. I then began exploring other sections of the site, eventually discovering the weight chat rooms. Curious, I invented a screen name and ventured in.
While I munched on the pizza I first chatted with a poor soul in the java chat room who was torn between his attraction to larger women and his fear of what his friends would think if he dated them in public. He thought he had a problem because of his attractions and I was unable to persuade him otherwise.
Finally the shy dude left and the pizza was gone so I went after one of the two remaining pieces of French apple pie --- a la mode, of course --- from the night before, making sure to clean up the kitchen as I went.
Returning to the computer I shifted to the other chat room where I met Belinda, a fellow Californian, although old enough to be my Mother (which is a shame because at my own age I think we could be real buddies). She is a very upbeat person involved in day care who is saving up to go the NAAFA dance in Washington next year despite health problems.
My parents came in about 11:00 and I said goodnight to them. Belinda currently weighs 539 lbs and is hoping to lose about 200 for her health's sake --- I hope she makes it because she's a terrific person. Close to midnight I finished the pie with a glass of milk and went to bed before Beth returned.
As I lay in bed I began to think about this past week of feasting --- probably enough to add another 2-3 pounds, usually what I have been adding in a month. I knew my concern was mostly for what my relatives might think, but Beth's attitude and the seeming lack of concern of my friends and parents were somewhat surprising. Either I just wasn't as big yet as I thought or I had really been a fanatic without a cause as a teenager.
SUNDAY 12/24/2000 ---
I had volunteered to help with the holiday cooking Sunday but my Mom had assured me everything was under control. I made a mental note that sometime this next week I was preparing Mom and Dad a dinner --- period. I hadn't settled on a menu --- both chicken tarragon or beef stroganoff sounded good --- but I was sure of my intention to be assertive and demonstrate my adult cooking skills.
For the moment Beth and I and some friends had arranged to spend the day together. That meant getting together at Arby's for an early lunch, then seeing two movies with the usual snack foods. Movie popcorn has a problem with my digestive system so I had a large bag of M&M candies and a bottle of water, which after two Arby burgers with horsey sauce was probably enough.
Frankly Beth's suggestion of ice cream after we split from the others sounded great. We couldn't find a soft ice cream place nearby (Dairy Queen isn’t that big in L. A. apparently) so we went to a fifties type restaurant and slurped raspberry ice cream malts with onion rings. They hit the spot perfectly!
When we got home it was apparent Mom had been working all day in the kitchen. My Dad announced we were going to have pizza and fried chicken delivered at 7:00 to give her a rest, so Beth and I suggested we all take a nap, which everyone but Dad did. At the time I was wondering how much I would be able to eat for supper so as not to cause offense but it proved not to be a problem. I had two pieces of chicken and four of pizza, which I felt should be hearty enough for anyone.
Around 9:30 I tired of watching television and went back online, soon finding myself in java chat involved with a person alleging themselves to be a 800 lb feedee named Patty whose feeder/lover was gone for the holidays. Her fixation on their relationship initially touched me. I was making serious suggestions as to how they could make arrangements for a minister to perform a ceremony in their bedroom since she was housebound. But when this supposedly 800 lb person began focusing on my anatomy and finding description of the growth of my thighs as "cool" I decided I was dealing with a man impersonating a woman. I began checking around and found that no one knew of a "patty" and then outed her/him as a fraud.
With this episode behind me I spent the balance of the evening sharing some of what I have related thus far regarding my sister and I with resident FA's happy to let me titillate them. Actually I was stoking up my courage for the next day, and was encouraged quite kindly by a poster calling herself Josiehohosoft. I am told she is a regular who inserted the hoho for the season. One guy kept predicting how large clothes size I would grow into, which was fine --- but not when he complimented my soon to be "flabby" thighs, which flabbiness he asserted were an attractive feature in most larger women.
This set me off, for I think such views simply reinforce a negative and false stereotype --- a point with which others online agreed. I happen to be quite active physically and, although my thighs are larger than they used to be, they are not flabby --- nor hopefully will they become so! Even if they do I do not think my boyfriend or anyone else would regard this as desirable.
Well, with a nap behind me the hours grew on, Belinda joined us as well as another 400 lb supersize regular of the room named SexyXL.
Discussion with these two people of very large size confirmed my thesis that larger people are neither lazy or lacking in industry. Unfortunately the young man whose remarks triggered all this left somewhere in the middle of the discussion. I didn't mean to drive him off, only improve his sensitivity in choice of words.
All the food talk, naturally enough, had me craving a snack by 11:00, but I knew the ice cream and pie were gone so I had to invent my own --- graham crackers and milk, a treat from childhood! In the process of preparing this treat I also discovered two remaining slices of pizza; collectively they made for a most unique midnight snack.
MONDAY, 12/25/2000 ---
It had been Beth's and my intention to skip breakfast on Monday the 25th but we had not reckoned on the arrival of relatives with hungry kids at 10:00 --- dinner was scheduled for 2:30 and there were six active kids between ages 6-10 to deal with in the interim. We were made the ad hoc feeding and entertainment committee and dispatched to find breakfast, then visit the county park for three hours.
A quick survey of fast food outlets revealed than none were apparently open, but fortunately Bob’s Grille was. Not wanting to ruin anyone's appetite for later we stuck to eggs and turkey sausage at the Grille followed by something over 90 minutes of keepaway, dodge ball, Simon Says and hide and go seek in the park. I think I am in better condition than Beth, for she seemed a little tired at the end while I was just having fun.
As for the holiday dinner, I needn't have worried about either my size or critiques of my appetite. I guess as a teenager I hadn't really noticed how large some of the adult women in our extended family are. Several were larger than my Mom and virtually everyone save one was definitely bigger than me. Anyway, Beth and I were in charge of the children's table and no one except the kids saw what we ate --- and they were only concerned about refilling their own plates.
The exercise in the park served its purpose for me. The first time through the line I had three portions of various salads, a yam, stuffing, three slices of white meat with gravy, and a generous hunk of cranberry jelly. The next time it was two pieces of chicken, mashed potatoes, two other salads and I think creamed corn. Certainly there was nothing wrong with my appetite! I even had room for pieces of banana cream and pumpkin pie plus a slice of a luscious German chocolate cake. All of this was washed down, of course, with several glasses of egg nog. I have no doubt that it was a 2000+ calorie repast
The only controls we put on the kids in our care was that they could take as many small plates as they desired, but had to finish each one before going back. The only disappointment was expressed over the absence of macaroni and cheese. I guess kids have their own priorities.
About 4:00 those not watching TV began playing board games while we let our stomachs process all the food. As 7:00 approached most of our guests left, taking with them as much in leftovers as they could be persuaded to take. The families with the kids will be with us for the next two
mornings, giving us 14 people in the house
Later I the evening I went back online and reported to my new friends how well things had gone. Conversation was mostly small talk, punctuated every few moments by whisper statements every few minutes by a person futilely seeking to make contact with a well-known feedee who was not even in the room.
I was to learn that this person has been a prominent advocate of size acceptance for years, even making appearances on television in support of the effort. I located her main website and suggested he e-mail her there instead of annoying the room. It did no good. He continued his quest during the rest of the night and over subsequent evenings.
HOLIDAY EPIPHANY
by Questor
by Questor
(This story is actually originated as a 2001 post on the Dimension's Weight Board we found archived on the WGBTB Yahoo site. It is reprinted here with permission. The original had real screen names which have been modified here.)
Author's note by Questor: Since this board likes to hear weight gain stories I'd like to share a little of mine --- which pretty much wrote itself this past holiday season along with some help from people in Dimensions weight room chat, who can verify the historical sequence of what follows. I'd also like to thank my boyfriend, whom I now know to be an SA with some writing experience, for his help in editing this story and keeping the terminology correct
-----
I'm not really that big, at least by the standards on this website. But during the last year and a half at college I have given my appetite increasingly free rein. This has added probably added forty-five pounds to a formerly svelte 135 pound frame. I have two truly BBW friends in the over 240 class, one of them in NAAFA, and a boy friend who acts like an FA though I've not confronted him on it.
My point in relating this is background. Collectively they've helped me accept the fact that I am probably a naturally heavier person and there's nothing wrong with that. So I came home this holiday season with an expanding waistline, an appetite and, perhaps, a bit of an attitude.
SUNDAY, 12/17/2000 ---
It wasn't my immediate family I was worried about - both my parents are close to 250 and the only sibling left at home is my sister who is chunky herself. I've been the family fatophobe if anyone was in the past, though I was always polite enough never to criticize or try to change others.
My concern now that I have grown larger was the relatives coming for holiday dinner who haven't seen me for several years. I envisioned them calling me "Porky" or suggesting I should "go easy," which isn't something I care to do at this particular point in my life. Eating is enjoyable and I am not yet even 180 (though getting close to it).
180 --- I would have thought that huge in high school! Now I'm nearly there and I don't really notice it except when I wear old clothes that are too tight. That's why I bought a couple of size 18 dresses and some larger slacks a week ago. The "sausage look" from trying fit into garments too small surely would encourage comments.
So, my first Sunday evening home was just me, my parents, and my sister, Beth. It was a typical family style dinner ---- meat loaf, scalloped potatoes, and green beans with almonds. I had two healthy helpings, but so did everyone else so that was no big deal. I think my Mom was pleasantly startled, because normally I wouldn't have done that in the past. The surprise was dessert --- home made sundaes (my sister's favorite). I had one too, but having dessert was something I began doing in front of the family a year ago, so no big reactions.
MONDAY, 12/18/2000 ---
Monday morning was oatmeal with coffee and toast for breakfast, which was OK but really less than I've been recently used to. It was a work day for mom and dad so I dragged Beth along with me doing shopping and visiting old friends. We had Chinese food at a food court in the mall, which was was fine with me but she was still hungry. So I let her talk me into a huge Famous Amos cookie --- and later on a double frostee cone dipped in chocolate.
Certainly I wasn't going to be getting any remarks from her! I noted that she seemed stouter than I remembered her as being, although the bulky sweater she wore in the crisp mid-sixties air made it difficult to tell.
That evening we had noodle-roni supreme with green beans and played 3 games of trivia pursuit, two of which I won. At Beth's suggestion we had some ice cream and I quietly agreed ---supper had been good but just wasn't quite enough. We talked until after our parents were in bed,
then Beth asked if I was still hungry. I admitted I was and so we finished off the leftovers from Sunday.
I noted in the warmer confines of our home that her waistband cut sharply into her belly, creating a belly roll atop her plump stomach. It was like she actually had two bellies. I have developed a very full belly, but it is neither so large or so soft. Was it possible, I wondered, that she was markedly heavier than I? I held my peace; after all, I was the one fearful of comments. We washed the dishes and put them away, eradicating the evidence, not that anyone really cared.
TUESDAY, 12/19/2000 ---
Tuesday morning both Beth and I slept past our parent's departure so I treated her to breakfast at Bob's Grille --- a local cafe where they have pancakes with eggs and sausage for $3.99. She confided in me that she had been planning on having eclairs at Winchell's (a donut shop chain) for breakfast rather than cooking and appreciated the treat.
We spent the day together, including a whopper at Burger King, and on the way home I thoughtfully remembered to stop at Winchell's. My intent was to buy her some eclairs for the next day, but they were out so we just had maple bars and coffee on the spot instead.
That evening mom was working late so dad suggested that we take her (and ourselves) out to a late evening dinner --- Mexican style at the Acapulco (very nice Mexican restaurant chain in our area). Beth and I had a combo plate which turned out to be huge, but because it had been five hours since Winchell's both of us managed to pack it all away and still have room for fried ice cream for dessert.
WEDNESDAY, 12/20/2000 ---
Wednesday I had arranged to visit some friends in the valley so I left early and skipped breakfast. We had a Chinese lunch (LA seems to be going oriental! There are Chinese language signs everywhere). We had a good time sharing post-high school experiences and boy friend stories and no one discussed weight, I was definitely the heaviest persons there.
On the way back home I wished Beth were with me so that we could hit Winchell's together. But I knew she was off with her current boy friend (not a steady date but he goes to our church and he has asked her out several times).
Mom was already in the kitchen by the time I got home, foiling my plans to be chef for the night. I noticed a store bought coconut creme pie and remarked on it, "dessert in the middle of the week?"
"Not if you don't want to - it just seemed like something everyone might enjoy."
"Not to worry," I said, giving her a hug. "I'm hungry tonight and will be careful to save room." I wondered if she could feel how famished I really felt.
We had baked chicken with rice and vegetables followed by the pie. There were two pieces left over and I could read Beth's mind. I smiled mischievously, and later that night we made another kitchen raid.
THURSDAY, 12/21 ---
Thursday I had suggested to Beth that we should visit the mountains, so I got up and packed lunch before wakening her. Well, actually I filled a thermos and made four sandwiches --- there just weren't many things appropriate for a picnic. So I stopped off at 7-11 and picked up potato salad, drinks and chips along with some candy bars. Right next door was a Winchell's --- Beth and I were of one mind and soon four eclairs were history. We hadn't had breakfast.
We hiked about two miles up a trail to a plateau overlooking the Los Angeles basin. It was a familiar and favorite place to me with a fine view of the smog layer over Los Angeles, although this day it was actually rather clear. As we hiked along it was the first time during this trip that I had a chance to really observe Beth.
She was wearing tight jeans with a tank top that clung rather tightly, Whereas my belly is definitely plump and round, it is evenly so. Hers, however, as I have mentioned is larger and softer. In the clothes she was wearing the effect was to display a very full belly roll above her quite prominent lower abdomen. I could tell that she also is carrying more weight on her legs and hips than I do. Was it possible, I wondered, that my little sister was already close to 200 lbs?
Beth surprised me with a miniature pocket chess and checker set and we played several games while enjoying our munchies. It was mid afternoon when we came back down. This time it was me who made the food stop suggestion --- at a Del Taco stand where I had a burrito grande and Beth had a combo.
"You're certainly enjoying this holiday season," she remarked.
"We both are," I replied, taking another bite of my grande. She looked at me with a smile and said nothing more, but I knew she had noted my change in attitude towards food.
That evening we had veggieburgers with mashed potatoes and baby carrots for supper because Mom apparently hadn't had time to go to the store. I wasn't about to complain, but it was not at all filling. Later Beth and I found an excuse to go to the store and we grabbed a set of Big Mac value meals along the way.
"I guess I need more to eat than I used to," I confided to Beth. "I'm glad you aren't critical."
"Critical? I think its great! I always felt guilty eating around you because you were so picky," she exclaimed. "You know Dad has always said large bodies are in our families genes - and a good appetite goes with the package!"
"Maybe that's true - at least I've become less inhibited and my b/f likes it."
"So do I - we seem closer as a result. Should we have dessert before we go back?"
And we did.
FRIDAY, 12/22/2000 ---
The next day Beth surprised me with breakfast --- toasted cheese sandwiches, a favorite of hers since girlhood that I used to avoid like the plague. Then it was off to Exposition Park and the Imax Theater. For lunch we went to El Pollo Loco, a chicken chain that co-brands Foster's soft ice cream cones. We each had their three piece dinner with two sides and a double chocolate covered cone (Beth has a thing for soft ice-cream, or maybe its just ice cream).
After some shopping we headed home where our Mom had already prepared a beef and noodle casserole to accompany a French apple pie Dad had picked up at the supermarket along with some French vanilla ice cream. Apparently the normal family constraints regarding desserts were being set aside for the holidays. I think Beth dug in with the better appetite but we both had seconds. It was a very large casserole, however, and we had about a third of it left over.
SATURDAY, 12/23/2000 ---
Saturday we had a Church service project serving the homeless in Los Angeles at noon so our Dad treated us all to Denny's beforehand. Beth and I both had omelets with hash browns and hotcakes instead of toast. Then we helped a host of other volunteers serve nearly a thousand meals while others distributed toys to children of homeless families.
It was a long day, but a satisfying and rewarding one. Beth had a dinner date and Saturday is when Dad customarily takes Mom out. They invited me along, but I had been on the run all week and told them truthfully I wouldn't mind a little time to myself. I reminded them about the leftover casserole so they said OK.
I had the casserole as soon as Beth was picked up at six, then watched TV till nine o'clock, only to find that Walker Texas Ranger had been preempted! I went out to the kitchen and found a small frozen pizza in the freezer. Surprised at my appetite I cooked it and turned on the computer in the den, which is connected to a DSL line. There I spent the next few hours online.
I visited the Dimensions site because one of my college chums had told me about the fashion page of Sandie Sabo. I then began exploring other sections of the site, eventually discovering the weight chat rooms. Curious, I invented a screen name and ventured in.
While I munched on the pizza I first chatted with a poor soul in the java chat room who was torn between his attraction to larger women and his fear of what his friends would think if he dated them in public. He thought he had a problem because of his attractions and I was unable to persuade him otherwise.
Finally the shy dude left and the pizza was gone so I went after one of the two remaining pieces of French apple pie --- a la mode, of course --- from the night before, making sure to clean up the kitchen as I went.
Returning to the computer I shifted to the other chat room where I met Belinda, a fellow Californian, although old enough to be my Mother (which is a shame because at my own age I think we could be real buddies). She is a very upbeat person involved in day care who is saving up to go the NAAFA dance in Washington next year despite health problems.
My parents came in about 11:00 and I said goodnight to them. Belinda currently weighs 539 lbs and is hoping to lose about 200 for her health's sake --- I hope she makes it because she's a terrific person. Close to midnight I finished the pie with a glass of milk and went to bed before Beth returned.
As I lay in bed I began to think about this past week of feasting --- probably enough to add another 2-3 pounds, usually what I have been adding in a month. I knew my concern was mostly for what my relatives might think, but Beth's attitude and the seeming lack of concern of my friends and parents were somewhat surprising. Either I just wasn't as big yet as I thought or I had really been a fanatic without a cause as a teenager.
SUNDAY 12/24/2000 ---
I had volunteered to help with the holiday cooking Sunday but my Mom had assured me everything was under control. I made a mental note that sometime this next week I was preparing Mom and Dad a dinner --- period. I hadn't settled on a menu --- both chicken tarragon or beef stroganoff sounded good --- but I was sure of my intention to be assertive and demonstrate my adult cooking skills.
For the moment Beth and I and some friends had arranged to spend the day together. That meant getting together at Arby's for an early lunch, then seeing two movies with the usual snack foods. Movie popcorn has a problem with my digestive system so I had a large bag of M&M candies and a bottle of water, which after two Arby burgers with horsey sauce was probably enough.
Frankly Beth's suggestion of ice cream after we split from the others sounded great. We couldn't find a soft ice cream place nearby (Dairy Queen isn’t that big in L. A. apparently) so we went to a fifties type restaurant and slurped raspberry ice cream malts with onion rings. They hit the spot perfectly!
When we got home it was apparent Mom had been working all day in the kitchen. My Dad announced we were going to have pizza and fried chicken delivered at 7:00 to give her a rest, so Beth and I suggested we all take a nap, which everyone but Dad did. At the time I was wondering how much I would be able to eat for supper so as not to cause offense but it proved not to be a problem. I had two pieces of chicken and four of pizza, which I felt should be hearty enough for anyone.
Around 9:30 I tired of watching television and went back online, soon finding myself in java chat involved with a person alleging themselves to be a 800 lb feedee named Patty whose feeder/lover was gone for the holidays. Her fixation on their relationship initially touched me. I was making serious suggestions as to how they could make arrangements for a minister to perform a ceremony in their bedroom since she was housebound. But when this supposedly 800 lb person began focusing on my anatomy and finding description of the growth of my thighs as "cool" I decided I was dealing with a man impersonating a woman. I began checking around and found that no one knew of a "patty" and then outed her/him as a fraud.
With this episode behind me I spent the balance of the evening sharing some of what I have related thus far regarding my sister and I with resident FA's happy to let me titillate them. Actually I was stoking up my courage for the next day, and was encouraged quite kindly by a poster calling herself Josiehohosoft. I am told she is a regular who inserted the hoho for the season. One guy kept predicting how large clothes size I would grow into, which was fine --- but not when he complimented my soon to be "flabby" thighs, which flabbiness he asserted were an attractive feature in most larger women.
This set me off, for I think such views simply reinforce a negative and false stereotype --- a point with which others online agreed. I happen to be quite active physically and, although my thighs are larger than they used to be, they are not flabby --- nor hopefully will they become so! Even if they do I do not think my boyfriend or anyone else would regard this as desirable.
Well, with a nap behind me the hours grew on, Belinda joined us as well as another 400 lb supersize regular of the room named SexyXL.
Discussion with these two people of very large size confirmed my thesis that larger people are neither lazy or lacking in industry. Unfortunately the young man whose remarks triggered all this left somewhere in the middle of the discussion. I didn't mean to drive him off, only improve his sensitivity in choice of words.
All the food talk, naturally enough, had me craving a snack by 11:00, but I knew the ice cream and pie were gone so I had to invent my own --- graham crackers and milk, a treat from childhood! In the process of preparing this treat I also discovered two remaining slices of pizza; collectively they made for a most unique midnight snack.
MONDAY, 12/25/2000 ---
It had been Beth's and my intention to skip breakfast on Monday the 25th but we had not reckoned on the arrival of relatives with hungry kids at 10:00 --- dinner was scheduled for 2:30 and there were six active kids between ages 6-10 to deal with in the interim. We were made the ad hoc feeding and entertainment committee and dispatched to find breakfast, then visit the county park for three hours.
A quick survey of fast food outlets revealed than none were apparently open, but fortunately Bob’s Grille was. Not wanting to ruin anyone's appetite for later we stuck to eggs and turkey sausage at the Grille followed by something over 90 minutes of keepaway, dodge ball, Simon Says and hide and go seek in the park. I think I am in better condition than Beth, for she seemed a little tired at the end while I was just having fun.
As for the holiday dinner, I needn't have worried about either my size or critiques of my appetite. I guess as a teenager I hadn't really noticed how large some of the adult women in our extended family are. Several were larger than my Mom and virtually everyone save one was definitely bigger than me. Anyway, Beth and I were in charge of the children's table and no one except the kids saw what we ate --- and they were only concerned about refilling their own plates.
The exercise in the park served its purpose for me. The first time through the line I had three portions of various salads, a yam, stuffing, three slices of white meat with gravy, and a generous hunk of cranberry jelly. The next time it was two pieces of chicken, mashed potatoes, two other salads and I think creamed corn. Certainly there was nothing wrong with my appetite! I even had room for pieces of banana cream and pumpkin pie plus a slice of a luscious German chocolate cake. All of this was washed down, of course, with several glasses of egg nog. I have no doubt that it was a 2000+ calorie repast
The only controls we put on the kids in our care was that they could take as many small plates as they desired, but had to finish each one before going back. The only disappointment was expressed over the absence of macaroni and cheese. I guess kids have their own priorities.
About 4:00 those not watching TV began playing board games while we let our stomachs process all the food. As 7:00 approached most of our guests left, taking with them as much in leftovers as they could be persuaded to take. The families with the kids will be with us for the next two
mornings, giving us 14 people in the house
Later I the evening I went back online and reported to my new friends how well things had gone. Conversation was mostly small talk, punctuated every few moments by whisper statements every few minutes by a person futilely seeking to make contact with a well-known feedee who was not even in the room.
I was to learn that this person has been a prominent advocate of size acceptance for years, even making appearances on television in support of the effort. I located her main website and suggested he e-mail her there instead of annoying the room. It did no good. He continued his quest during the rest of the night and over subsequent evenings.
