Let me preface this story by sayin I obviously don't have any issues with fat...but for ME...I didn't wear it well. I've seen gorgeous BBW models over 400lbs but when I weigh anything over 200lbs and I am not comfortable and can't be as mobile as I'd like and so I made the decision to loose the weight for ME and no one else.
I recently told my current boyfriend that I used to be much heavier than I am now.
We have been together about 5 months now. We talk everyday and see each other at least once a week, He knew I had issues with getting totally naked with him and I always tried to kind of cover up with lingerie and stuff when we were having sex. He thought that my anxiety about being totally naked would lessen in time as we became more comfortable with each other. He said he used to be the same way about getting totally nude to have sex with someone but he honestly has an amazing body. To me he is perfect. I've talked to him about different changes I wanted to continue to make to myself and he told me that he thinks I am perfect. aaaand not not go makin myself any betta cuz then I would have his head more messed up than it is now LOL Yes! He has a New Yawk accent and I love it! lol
The reason for me wanting to come out and tell him my past now is because I wanted to give him the opportunity to fully integrate himself into my life ask him to join me in going to an upcoming BBW bash. It is a big part of my past and who I still am and where I consider my truest friends to be. I honestly just wanted to share it with him. He has shared soooooo much of his life with me including some really bad stuff he has done and as a part of his current job continues to do. We don't get too much into detail but we have a strong bond that we never judge each other no matter what.We take one day at a time and our dating started out lightly then in a month or so things very quickly because serious. He told me he loved me and honestly thought I may be he soul mate.
The fact that he trusted me enough to let me into his life meant a lot to me. I wanted to share my past with him too. I wanted him to fully be a party of my present life and somehow understand that I'm not the same person I used to be but I still love the friends I've made and the times we've shared and continue to look forward to seeing them at the BBW bashes and stuff.
I honestly had no idea how to break it to him that I used to be almost 140 lbs heavier a little over a year ago. I did not have any surgery (not that I'm against it) but I did this on my own.
I was sooooo afraid to tell him that I asked my girlfriend to call him and break it to him....I know that's weak and cowardly but I love him and was terrified of his reaction and I knew if it was bad my friend would tell him where to go. lol
The ending is that he told me he would love me wether I was 300 or 90 lbs. He likes me for whom I am and none of that matters. My dilemma is I don't know if I truly believe that. If he met me when I was 310 lbs would he have pursued me the same way? I think the honest answer is no and it is literally eating away at me. I love him but I want a life with someone I can be sure WHO I am outweighs HOW I look right now. I'm lost. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
