[Author's note: A BHM and an BBW need each other's support in discovering their true identities and intentions. I needed some fictional company during a particularly tedious project and evenings in barren hotel rooms .... so I tried a new, two-sided perspective on this story.]
Legally Yours
Cognitive Dissonances
Take a deep breath, suck in and open your eyes! Look into the mirror! You can do it! Louisa told herself and tentatively squinted towards the mirrored doors of her closet. Okay-now the objective assessment: There stood a fat woman in a nice, well fitting size 16 suit in a fine dull jeans-blue glen check wool with a powder blue blouse that accentuated round D-cups breasts some people might deign to find attractive. If she exhaled, her belly bulged forward in a thick muffin top role over her waistband, making her look even fatter. If she stood straight though, the suit fit her well, as loosely as professionally intended and it objectively brought out the color of her eyes and her creamy skin tone very nicely. Size 16! Once more, she hadnt had the discipline to starve herself back into her absolute favorite teal suit faced in velvet, an even more becoming color, in a size 14.
Now she felt as if she had size 16 tattooed to her forehead, inwardly trying to steel herself against any derisive remarks, only to fail miserably. She simply didnt look the professional part. Nobody who saw this overweight size 16 woman would believe she was starting in one of the three major international law firms of the capitol, to handle international public-private litigation, had a PhD in law and would be making notable six figures a year plus bonuses.
Well, everybody would be right that she wouldnt get this type of job if she didnt finally stop moping around, she told her image. The only thing she currently was achieving was feeling more inadequate by the second after all Ryan was going to be there. They had always worked so well together, he had gotten her this great job in the firm where he had just recently been made partner, no wonder with his familys connections. He knew what she looked like, she hadnt been any thinner during their joint projects at university but maybe he had overlooked how out of place a size 16 looked next to all those sleek size 4-6 lawyerettes? It might have been better if she had stayed on the academic track difficult as it was to get to a tenured position these days. At university at least it still was a bigger deal how many papers you had published than which cloths size you wore.
Youre going to end up in South Dakota, do you honestly want that? her mother had wailed as she had discussed her job perspectives with her parents. Actually the best offer she had gotten had been from North Dakota as she had vaguely started exploring the academic track. Ryans call and offer had then spared her a potentially grueling, confidence crushing interview marathon along with a salary, that would let her pay off her student loans in two years.
Size 16 or not, if she wanted that to happen, she had to get going. Slipping into her comfortable walking shoes, packing up the high heels, she set out on what was to become her daily walk from the small town house belonging to a college friends family that had moved to Arizona on retiring slightly North of DuPont Circle to almost the corner of 9th and Constitution Ave a way to clear her head and make sure she got a bit of exercise.
Oh wow Louisa, just wow! Professional suits bring out the best in you! You look fabulous! I cant believe you took my offer, I had always feared you wanted to stay independent in academia but here you are! Ready to become part of the team. Were so happy to have you, I cant tell you how happy I am , Ryan greeted her with an enthusiastic smile and a big hug, making her tense up, suck in her stomach and go stiff as a broad, so he wouldnt feel how flabby she was.
Oh, youre exaggerating Ryan, as mostly. Its so good to see you. And thanks a million for this job; I dont know what I wouldve done without you
Louisa, you wouldve gotten five other job offers, maybe even better ones I made sure we were fastest, so we stood a chance. Ryan linked arms, Let me show you your new working world.
Walking through the office with Ryan made her feel much more comfortable, it was so familiar. Theyd worked together, been to many conferences while she was at university for almost four years- it was a bit like slipping back into that pattern. He was such a good-looking guy, sort of in the mold of Robert Redford, blond but masculine, though with less convincing hair. His handsome appearance was emphasized by stylish, well fitting clothing and impeccable manners, she had never met another man who had such an amount of social graces, the ability to blend into almost any environment and get along with everybody.
Im introducing you only to the senior partners today and the people working in your international section anything else would be too much. Ill take you around to the meetings of the other sections in the next days so you can meet all your colleagues and our staff.
Sounds like a good plan, thanks for all youre doing for me.
Its my pleasure. Heres Winston Palmers office, you know our senior founder
Doing the rounds, being introduced to people was much easier than she had anticipated: It seemed everybody kindly ignored her appearance instead she received many questions about her recently published doctoral thesis, professors she had studied with, the international court where she had clerked all easy to answer and show her expertise. Ryans smiling approval to all she was saying gave her confidence an additional boost.
Now to your office I have to sincerely apologize to you about that .., Ryan looked at her guiltily. I know we had promised you your own office. But we have space issues, weve just restructured the sections and the half 4th floor we had intended to rent has not been vacated yet so well umm youll have to share an office.
Okaaay her heart sank, this was something she had not counted on happening. What if it was some size 4 blondie with killer long legs? How was she supposed to work with a live taunt all day?
Its one of our nicest offices though, a lot nicer than mine , Ryan put his arm around her shoulder sounding as apologetic as possible. Dont be put off by Conrads, hes a bit like grouchy bear, but kick-ass brilliant at international taxation, what he does and thus also pretty close to your professional field, opening the door with a flourish.
What an amazing view! she blurted in excitement on entering the office. It had a full, floor deep window front facing east, offering the panorama of Capitol Hill on the left over to Lincoln Memorial with the Potomac behind it on the right. Silhouetted against it was a large guy in a pale blue shirt who did not really enter her focus until he stood right in front of her. Henry Conrads, meet Louisa Grenburgh our wonderful new asset in the field of international litigation and your charming new office mate.
Nice meeting you , a deep voice said. Dazed Louisa took the outstretched hand and shook it longer than intended, feeling how strong, thick and smooth it felt, the touch sending warm shudders down her spine. Pleasure to meet you, she finally managed to say. Sorry about my taking up some of your office it wasnt I didnt know unsure of what else she could voice.
Its okay, well be fine it is a very big office. His smile was brief and very shy, only a small flicker of dimples in chubby cheeks. It was indeed a big office, the 2 desk spaces were separated by an open designer bookshelf and a third of the large room was set up with a meeting table. Apart from the spectacular view the furnishing was much nicer, more stylish and modern than in the other offices, making Louisa smile gleefully as she let her fingers glide over the smooth surface of her new desk.
Its a great office, Ryan again my most sincere thanks. Im sure Ill be able to do my best work here, she beamed at both of them, causing Henry
Conrads to look under himself uncomfortably.
Eyeing him, Louisa was surprised by the pleasant tingles running through her once more. Was it relief that he was so big that she looked comparably slender next to him? He had something of a bear, Ryan had been right. All big and cuddly, with massive shoulders and an impressively heavy looking paunch rolling over his belt, supported by thick tree trunk legs. His face was strong and bit hawkish, filled out with soft flesh though, the softness enhanced by bushy dark brown hair and bright blue eyes half hidden by thick glasses. She couldnt remember having been interested in a big guy before, but he had something, was very appealing with his abundant physique, making good-looking Ryan look a bit fake, and sort of plastic like next to him.
So Henry is it okay if I call you Henry, since well be working here together every day..?
Sure Henry is fine .Louisa ., her name came out as a whisper.
Ryan tells me you do international tax law. Thats a very complicated field its incredible which schemes governments come up with to tax people and companies. It borders on my field, because in public-private partnerships subsidies, tax breaks and such play a big role, she felt the need to engage him in a conversation. Which are the major cases youre currently dealing with?
Right now in the aftermath of the financial crisis the distribution of losses versus profits still is the big deal. Were also working closely with a number of lobby agencies for clients to prevent various governments from broadening the tax base too widely within minutes she was engrossed in a discussion with Henry that Ryan winked at her and murmured in retreating: Good job! All too technical for me see you at lunch!
The delighted wonder she had felt on entering her office that first day persisted and grew as her first weeks at Palmer Associates flew by. She loved entering the office every morning to enjoy the view, see the sun streaming in and hoping to have Henry smile at her from his desk in one of his nice shirt and tie combinations, draped over his inviting chubbiness.
Apart from the fact that she feared the negative implications a crush on her office mate might have, it disturbed and confused her profoundly, that she was so fond of, so turned on by his fatness. Why did she want nothing more than to bury her face in his big, round jiggly belly when it rested in his lap while at the same time there were moments of such intensive frustration when she tried to fit into her business cloths in the morning that she almost took a carving knife to her own belly rolls? Why did she think his love-handles looked like seductive puffs, her own ample backside only seemed to beckon to be kicked as hard as possible?
These cognitive dissonances left her jumpy and irritated, adding on to the heavy work load of familiarizing herself with her new field. Ryan also kept her busy, coming in frequently will all sorts of questions, things she should look over, meetings she should come along to and the like. Although she realized that some of the issues Ryan came with where clearly not her work, and he should be doing them on his own as a partner, she played along. Mainly because working for and with Ryan was as comfortable as a pair of worn in shoes: She knew how he wanted his results, understood his deficits and supplemented them, all in all making it a smooth way to ease into the business style of Palmer Associates.
In contrast it was obvious Henry was not overtly fond of Ryans visits, often left the room when he entered. She soon preferred it when they had the office to themselves, and they instantly, mutely agreed to try to keep the rest of the firm from using the meeting table in their office as well as possible. From her perception they got along well enough, could synchronize their need for coffee, tea and conversation or sometimes just quietly stared out the window at the sights together.
Still, she was not quite sure how he saw her intrusion in his space, so she asked one Friday: Youve had to put up with me occupying your office for three weeks by now. I hope I havent done anything to disturb you. Is there anything I should do or change to make things easier for you?
Is something wrong? Did I say something ? Henry started.
No, no, not at all. I feel umm .. really comfortable here. I like my office, our office. I just wanted to make sure everything is okay for you too the way were doing things and so on , Louisa felt her cheeks flame.
Henry exhaled visibly, his belly expanding as he gave her a small smile. Everything is just fine. Ill admit, I wasnt exactly beside myself with joy when I heard someone was being put into this office youre probably the next best thing to being alone .. Your predecessors were all incredibly stupid , he suddenly looked embarrassed, making her laugh.
Okay Im glad Im not like my predecessors then.... How about me making us a cappuccino?
Yes, wonderful. Thats definitely an advantage you have over your predecessors, that you can work that complicated machine really well
Returning with the coffee, they got into an interesting discussion on in which cases to go for a common law versus a civil law system before she finished her work of the day to go home replaying her conversation with Henry in her head, chiding herself after a while that she was interpreting too much into the occasional smile he gave her. He couldnt be interested in her unattractive self and from the little he told, he seemed to have a very active and busy private life. It was good they at least shared common professional interests and ideas, as good prerequisite for getting along well in their shared office. Wishing for more was asking for an emotional disaster.
One thing she admired and envied about Henry was how nonchalant and seemingly unaware he was of his weight but probably that was different for heavy guys. Nobody scorned a man for wearing a certain cloths size. He had a big appetite and was religious about eating his meals, nice big, square portions of them unapologetically. Next to lunch and sometimes if it got late dinner, hed also have a substantial snack in the afternoon with coffee or tea. She enjoyed watching him eat, his full cheeks chewing, his double-chin wobbling, wishing she had the courage to do justice to her appetite in the same way. Given the long days of sitting on her backside, regular business lunches, she sensed she was putting more weight on again, adding to her tenseness. Eating in front of others was making her increasingly nervous, always fearing some barbed remark, making her limit herself to salad, water and espresso as far as possible.
Henry in whose eyes she desperately wanted to come across as a competent, disciplined, nice person in turn had the unfortunate habit of asking her to go to lunch with him rather regularly, mostly to discuss some issue on the side they lacked time for during work hours, then setting loose a whirlwind of conflicting emotions and constant remorse: If she went with him, she berated herself for eating too much and gaining even more weight. If she under a pretext excused herself, she regretted she didnt have to time to chat nicely with him, show him what a good conversationalist, bright and sometimes even funny person she was, getting him to maybe overlook her size.
A routine event at Palmer Associates every two weeks was the plenary discussion of a major case among all attorneys, even those from other fields of specialty to get different perspectives on a case, maybe more innovative solutions and strategies. One week Henry wasnt quite sure whether their joint issue of establishing the legal framework for a new merged, US Luxembourgian company might not come on the table, so they went to the small spaghetti bar around the corner to ventilate it over lunch.
Even though she had vowed she was only going to have an arugula salad on going there, Louisa had caved into appetite and Henrys suggestion and ordered her favorite spinach pasta bowl, relaxing as the warm creaminess oozed down into her stomach. Henry had not only ordered the meat ball bowl, but also a parmesan salad on the side as well as cassata for dessert, making her feel less self-conscious.
Big spread, big guy isnt it? Dont you think cutting back occasionally might be a good idea? It was Clayton Barner, one of the young attorneys from Ryans section. Watch out Louisa, his habits are already rubbing off on you ..
Clayton, good nutrition is what fuels the active mind. I keep my brain cells well and regularly supplied my only 8% appeals and revision rate speaks for this tactic doesnt it? Maybe you should try it too . since your triathlon approach hasnt been so successful lately, ey?
Good joke but yeah, my a&r hasnt been in top shape this past half year ., Clayton reddened but Louisa was much too hurt to notice or care. Henry and Clayton started talking about Claytons case, which he presumed would be up in plenary later, but she didnt participate, nor did she finish her pasta despite Henrys prompting, instead played with her cutlery. These were the situations she hated so much when people pointed out the embarrassing obvious: That she was a fat girl with an overeating issue the undisciplined social leper of modern times.
In the later afternoon it was indeed Claytons and not their case that was first discussed in plenary as he had anticipated and prepared a full blown presentation with a hand-out. He was a good, confident presenter and in the aftermath, only a few superficial questions were asked. Scanning the hand-out, Louisa felt her resentment and combative instincts winning the upper-hand. Clayton, I see youve tried to find some legal safeguards since the new subsidiary youre constructing for our multi-national client would not be subject to US law, which I gather is your intention. But since this is supposed to be a production plant have you ever considered or calculated the effects leaving the US PTA zone would have for your client?
PTA zone? Clayton stared at her helplessly.
Preferential Trade Agreement the countries that have easier access to the US market.
Ummm this is the legal construction weve worked out, with our client and the partners there. It works well in . no US taxes, or labor laws . but still quite a guarantee to be able to do necessary law suits in the holdings subsidiary of the Netherlands, on safe legal grounds .
Yes, I understood that. But the market there is much too small including the regional market. How are you going to get the products back into the US with too high tariffs?
She knew she had him cornered because it seemed that the foreign trade perspective was so far unknown at Palmer Associates. With zest she went on to also pick the extremely optimistic ground assumptions as to the possible political and rule of law developments in the target region apart, until Ryan came to Claytons mercy: Louisa, I see your point. Youre right, this is a bit too much standard procedure, well need a few more safeguards and maybe a tri-national construction to balance legal security with optimal corporate framework. Times are tricky; we can no longer take the stability of semi-authoritarian regimes for granted.
Excellent analysis, Ms. Grenburgh, Winston Palmer congratulated her. You bring a new type of thinking we need to consider more and this round of discussion showed in exemplary fashion what can make a firm plenary so rewarding.
Louisa blushed with pleasure: Thank you Mr. Palmer. I try my best to always think as many options through as possible. Ryan gave her a half hug in going out, making her tense up, fearing he might feel the thick role around her waist and catching Henrys critical expression over his shoulder. Great job for your first real firm plenary Louisa. Im so glad I brought you here. But you couldve been a bit softer on poor Clayton, not tear him to pieces in plenary. He cant think as complicated as you do hes more a linear guy. Now were going to need your help in re-engineering that contract for it to get Palmers blessing will you do that?
Of course come to me with it any time.
Yet Ryan didnt come himself but sent a meek Clayton the next day. Louisa, I dont know what I may have done to offend you, but whatever it was, I sincerely apologize. And I wouldve appreciated it if you had told me how critically you saw my contract design over lunch, when we talked about it with Henry not waited until plenary.
Oh, well umm, guilty heat crept up her face as she observed Henry raise his eyebrows. She couldnt possibly tell how he had offended her, it was highly unprofessional and shed be the laughing stock of the firm. Did we get that far over lunch? I dont remember you asking my opinion about that . Anyway, Im sorry if I got carried away by my debating fervor. Its probably still a habit from university; there theoretical debates are fought tooth and nail . I somehow havent gotten into the mode of a more constructive, practical discussion yet.
Umm yeah sure no hard feelings. Ryan said I could come to you with the new draft?
Any time youre ready.
Despite numerous aspects of it making her apprehensive, Louisa did not regret taking the job at Palmer Associates one minute. The cases and projects were interesting, giving her field of specialty she was allowed to work more independently than could be expected for someone so young and new on the job, the pay was good and she let out a whoop of joy as her first bonus entered her bank account for an real estate rebate she had negotiated for a major investment. There was the comforting familiarity of working for Ryan, most of her female colleagues where thin but so mousy it didnt matter that much and then there was Henry . sharing an office with one of the most adorable guys shed ever met .. when she could just sit down and observe him, shed forget how hopeless her crush was .
Like this evening, shed just finished the final paperwork for the privatization of some regional waterworks turning them into a cooperative, the setting sun was shining onto the facades on the other side of the street, illuminating their office with its warm reddish glow and Henry had taken on her favorite reading posture. Hed lean back in his chair, rest his left forearm over his round belly mound and support his right elbow with it, holding some papers closely in front of his face with his glasses off, so he only could see the print in front of him clearly. This gave her the opportunity to shamelessly ogle him, how his belly rolled over his waistband, how juicy his chin looked as he rested his head or how she would like to grab into one of those doughy love handles .
What are you staring at? Louisa jumped, had never heard Henry snarl at her before.
Im sorry, Im just staring into space Im pretty tired, cant get my eyes to focus any more , she tried to appease him. Tell me to finish correcting this page and then get going..
Finish your page like a good girl and then get going ., sorry I barked at you, Im tired too. Good night then, Louisa.
Legally Yours
Cognitive Dissonances
Take a deep breath, suck in and open your eyes! Look into the mirror! You can do it! Louisa told herself and tentatively squinted towards the mirrored doors of her closet. Okay-now the objective assessment: There stood a fat woman in a nice, well fitting size 16 suit in a fine dull jeans-blue glen check wool with a powder blue blouse that accentuated round D-cups breasts some people might deign to find attractive. If she exhaled, her belly bulged forward in a thick muffin top role over her waistband, making her look even fatter. If she stood straight though, the suit fit her well, as loosely as professionally intended and it objectively brought out the color of her eyes and her creamy skin tone very nicely. Size 16! Once more, she hadnt had the discipline to starve herself back into her absolute favorite teal suit faced in velvet, an even more becoming color, in a size 14.
Now she felt as if she had size 16 tattooed to her forehead, inwardly trying to steel herself against any derisive remarks, only to fail miserably. She simply didnt look the professional part. Nobody who saw this overweight size 16 woman would believe she was starting in one of the three major international law firms of the capitol, to handle international public-private litigation, had a PhD in law and would be making notable six figures a year plus bonuses.
Well, everybody would be right that she wouldnt get this type of job if she didnt finally stop moping around, she told her image. The only thing she currently was achieving was feeling more inadequate by the second after all Ryan was going to be there. They had always worked so well together, he had gotten her this great job in the firm where he had just recently been made partner, no wonder with his familys connections. He knew what she looked like, she hadnt been any thinner during their joint projects at university but maybe he had overlooked how out of place a size 16 looked next to all those sleek size 4-6 lawyerettes? It might have been better if she had stayed on the academic track difficult as it was to get to a tenured position these days. At university at least it still was a bigger deal how many papers you had published than which cloths size you wore.
Youre going to end up in South Dakota, do you honestly want that? her mother had wailed as she had discussed her job perspectives with her parents. Actually the best offer she had gotten had been from North Dakota as she had vaguely started exploring the academic track. Ryans call and offer had then spared her a potentially grueling, confidence crushing interview marathon along with a salary, that would let her pay off her student loans in two years.
Size 16 or not, if she wanted that to happen, she had to get going. Slipping into her comfortable walking shoes, packing up the high heels, she set out on what was to become her daily walk from the small town house belonging to a college friends family that had moved to Arizona on retiring slightly North of DuPont Circle to almost the corner of 9th and Constitution Ave a way to clear her head and make sure she got a bit of exercise.
Oh wow Louisa, just wow! Professional suits bring out the best in you! You look fabulous! I cant believe you took my offer, I had always feared you wanted to stay independent in academia but here you are! Ready to become part of the team. Were so happy to have you, I cant tell you how happy I am , Ryan greeted her with an enthusiastic smile and a big hug, making her tense up, suck in her stomach and go stiff as a broad, so he wouldnt feel how flabby she was.
Oh, youre exaggerating Ryan, as mostly. Its so good to see you. And thanks a million for this job; I dont know what I wouldve done without you
Louisa, you wouldve gotten five other job offers, maybe even better ones I made sure we were fastest, so we stood a chance. Ryan linked arms, Let me show you your new working world.
Walking through the office with Ryan made her feel much more comfortable, it was so familiar. Theyd worked together, been to many conferences while she was at university for almost four years- it was a bit like slipping back into that pattern. He was such a good-looking guy, sort of in the mold of Robert Redford, blond but masculine, though with less convincing hair. His handsome appearance was emphasized by stylish, well fitting clothing and impeccable manners, she had never met another man who had such an amount of social graces, the ability to blend into almost any environment and get along with everybody.
Im introducing you only to the senior partners today and the people working in your international section anything else would be too much. Ill take you around to the meetings of the other sections in the next days so you can meet all your colleagues and our staff.
Sounds like a good plan, thanks for all youre doing for me.
Its my pleasure. Heres Winston Palmers office, you know our senior founder
Doing the rounds, being introduced to people was much easier than she had anticipated: It seemed everybody kindly ignored her appearance instead she received many questions about her recently published doctoral thesis, professors she had studied with, the international court where she had clerked all easy to answer and show her expertise. Ryans smiling approval to all she was saying gave her confidence an additional boost.
Now to your office I have to sincerely apologize to you about that .., Ryan looked at her guiltily. I know we had promised you your own office. But we have space issues, weve just restructured the sections and the half 4th floor we had intended to rent has not been vacated yet so well umm youll have to share an office.
Okaaay her heart sank, this was something she had not counted on happening. What if it was some size 4 blondie with killer long legs? How was she supposed to work with a live taunt all day?
Its one of our nicest offices though, a lot nicer than mine , Ryan put his arm around her shoulder sounding as apologetic as possible. Dont be put off by Conrads, hes a bit like grouchy bear, but kick-ass brilliant at international taxation, what he does and thus also pretty close to your professional field, opening the door with a flourish.
What an amazing view! she blurted in excitement on entering the office. It had a full, floor deep window front facing east, offering the panorama of Capitol Hill on the left over to Lincoln Memorial with the Potomac behind it on the right. Silhouetted against it was a large guy in a pale blue shirt who did not really enter her focus until he stood right in front of her. Henry Conrads, meet Louisa Grenburgh our wonderful new asset in the field of international litigation and your charming new office mate.
Nice meeting you , a deep voice said. Dazed Louisa took the outstretched hand and shook it longer than intended, feeling how strong, thick and smooth it felt, the touch sending warm shudders down her spine. Pleasure to meet you, she finally managed to say. Sorry about my taking up some of your office it wasnt I didnt know unsure of what else she could voice.
Its okay, well be fine it is a very big office. His smile was brief and very shy, only a small flicker of dimples in chubby cheeks. It was indeed a big office, the 2 desk spaces were separated by an open designer bookshelf and a third of the large room was set up with a meeting table. Apart from the spectacular view the furnishing was much nicer, more stylish and modern than in the other offices, making Louisa smile gleefully as she let her fingers glide over the smooth surface of her new desk.
Its a great office, Ryan again my most sincere thanks. Im sure Ill be able to do my best work here, she beamed at both of them, causing Henry
Conrads to look under himself uncomfortably.
Eyeing him, Louisa was surprised by the pleasant tingles running through her once more. Was it relief that he was so big that she looked comparably slender next to him? He had something of a bear, Ryan had been right. All big and cuddly, with massive shoulders and an impressively heavy looking paunch rolling over his belt, supported by thick tree trunk legs. His face was strong and bit hawkish, filled out with soft flesh though, the softness enhanced by bushy dark brown hair and bright blue eyes half hidden by thick glasses. She couldnt remember having been interested in a big guy before, but he had something, was very appealing with his abundant physique, making good-looking Ryan look a bit fake, and sort of plastic like next to him.
So Henry is it okay if I call you Henry, since well be working here together every day..?
Sure Henry is fine .Louisa ., her name came out as a whisper.
Ryan tells me you do international tax law. Thats a very complicated field its incredible which schemes governments come up with to tax people and companies. It borders on my field, because in public-private partnerships subsidies, tax breaks and such play a big role, she felt the need to engage him in a conversation. Which are the major cases youre currently dealing with?
Right now in the aftermath of the financial crisis the distribution of losses versus profits still is the big deal. Were also working closely with a number of lobby agencies for clients to prevent various governments from broadening the tax base too widely within minutes she was engrossed in a discussion with Henry that Ryan winked at her and murmured in retreating: Good job! All too technical for me see you at lunch!
The delighted wonder she had felt on entering her office that first day persisted and grew as her first weeks at Palmer Associates flew by. She loved entering the office every morning to enjoy the view, see the sun streaming in and hoping to have Henry smile at her from his desk in one of his nice shirt and tie combinations, draped over his inviting chubbiness.
Apart from the fact that she feared the negative implications a crush on her office mate might have, it disturbed and confused her profoundly, that she was so fond of, so turned on by his fatness. Why did she want nothing more than to bury her face in his big, round jiggly belly when it rested in his lap while at the same time there were moments of such intensive frustration when she tried to fit into her business cloths in the morning that she almost took a carving knife to her own belly rolls? Why did she think his love-handles looked like seductive puffs, her own ample backside only seemed to beckon to be kicked as hard as possible?
These cognitive dissonances left her jumpy and irritated, adding on to the heavy work load of familiarizing herself with her new field. Ryan also kept her busy, coming in frequently will all sorts of questions, things she should look over, meetings she should come along to and the like. Although she realized that some of the issues Ryan came with where clearly not her work, and he should be doing them on his own as a partner, she played along. Mainly because working for and with Ryan was as comfortable as a pair of worn in shoes: She knew how he wanted his results, understood his deficits and supplemented them, all in all making it a smooth way to ease into the business style of Palmer Associates.
In contrast it was obvious Henry was not overtly fond of Ryans visits, often left the room when he entered. She soon preferred it when they had the office to themselves, and they instantly, mutely agreed to try to keep the rest of the firm from using the meeting table in their office as well as possible. From her perception they got along well enough, could synchronize their need for coffee, tea and conversation or sometimes just quietly stared out the window at the sights together.
Still, she was not quite sure how he saw her intrusion in his space, so she asked one Friday: Youve had to put up with me occupying your office for three weeks by now. I hope I havent done anything to disturb you. Is there anything I should do or change to make things easier for you?
Is something wrong? Did I say something ? Henry started.
No, no, not at all. I feel umm .. really comfortable here. I like my office, our office. I just wanted to make sure everything is okay for you too the way were doing things and so on , Louisa felt her cheeks flame.
Henry exhaled visibly, his belly expanding as he gave her a small smile. Everything is just fine. Ill admit, I wasnt exactly beside myself with joy when I heard someone was being put into this office youre probably the next best thing to being alone .. Your predecessors were all incredibly stupid , he suddenly looked embarrassed, making her laugh.
Okay Im glad Im not like my predecessors then.... How about me making us a cappuccino?
Yes, wonderful. Thats definitely an advantage you have over your predecessors, that you can work that complicated machine really well
Returning with the coffee, they got into an interesting discussion on in which cases to go for a common law versus a civil law system before she finished her work of the day to go home replaying her conversation with Henry in her head, chiding herself after a while that she was interpreting too much into the occasional smile he gave her. He couldnt be interested in her unattractive self and from the little he told, he seemed to have a very active and busy private life. It was good they at least shared common professional interests and ideas, as good prerequisite for getting along well in their shared office. Wishing for more was asking for an emotional disaster.
One thing she admired and envied about Henry was how nonchalant and seemingly unaware he was of his weight but probably that was different for heavy guys. Nobody scorned a man for wearing a certain cloths size. He had a big appetite and was religious about eating his meals, nice big, square portions of them unapologetically. Next to lunch and sometimes if it got late dinner, hed also have a substantial snack in the afternoon with coffee or tea. She enjoyed watching him eat, his full cheeks chewing, his double-chin wobbling, wishing she had the courage to do justice to her appetite in the same way. Given the long days of sitting on her backside, regular business lunches, she sensed she was putting more weight on again, adding to her tenseness. Eating in front of others was making her increasingly nervous, always fearing some barbed remark, making her limit herself to salad, water and espresso as far as possible.
Henry in whose eyes she desperately wanted to come across as a competent, disciplined, nice person in turn had the unfortunate habit of asking her to go to lunch with him rather regularly, mostly to discuss some issue on the side they lacked time for during work hours, then setting loose a whirlwind of conflicting emotions and constant remorse: If she went with him, she berated herself for eating too much and gaining even more weight. If she under a pretext excused herself, she regretted she didnt have to time to chat nicely with him, show him what a good conversationalist, bright and sometimes even funny person she was, getting him to maybe overlook her size.
A routine event at Palmer Associates every two weeks was the plenary discussion of a major case among all attorneys, even those from other fields of specialty to get different perspectives on a case, maybe more innovative solutions and strategies. One week Henry wasnt quite sure whether their joint issue of establishing the legal framework for a new merged, US Luxembourgian company might not come on the table, so they went to the small spaghetti bar around the corner to ventilate it over lunch.
Even though she had vowed she was only going to have an arugula salad on going there, Louisa had caved into appetite and Henrys suggestion and ordered her favorite spinach pasta bowl, relaxing as the warm creaminess oozed down into her stomach. Henry had not only ordered the meat ball bowl, but also a parmesan salad on the side as well as cassata for dessert, making her feel less self-conscious.
Big spread, big guy isnt it? Dont you think cutting back occasionally might be a good idea? It was Clayton Barner, one of the young attorneys from Ryans section. Watch out Louisa, his habits are already rubbing off on you ..
Clayton, good nutrition is what fuels the active mind. I keep my brain cells well and regularly supplied my only 8% appeals and revision rate speaks for this tactic doesnt it? Maybe you should try it too . since your triathlon approach hasnt been so successful lately, ey?
Good joke but yeah, my a&r hasnt been in top shape this past half year ., Clayton reddened but Louisa was much too hurt to notice or care. Henry and Clayton started talking about Claytons case, which he presumed would be up in plenary later, but she didnt participate, nor did she finish her pasta despite Henrys prompting, instead played with her cutlery. These were the situations she hated so much when people pointed out the embarrassing obvious: That she was a fat girl with an overeating issue the undisciplined social leper of modern times.
In the later afternoon it was indeed Claytons and not their case that was first discussed in plenary as he had anticipated and prepared a full blown presentation with a hand-out. He was a good, confident presenter and in the aftermath, only a few superficial questions were asked. Scanning the hand-out, Louisa felt her resentment and combative instincts winning the upper-hand. Clayton, I see youve tried to find some legal safeguards since the new subsidiary youre constructing for our multi-national client would not be subject to US law, which I gather is your intention. But since this is supposed to be a production plant have you ever considered or calculated the effects leaving the US PTA zone would have for your client?
PTA zone? Clayton stared at her helplessly.
Preferential Trade Agreement the countries that have easier access to the US market.
Ummm this is the legal construction weve worked out, with our client and the partners there. It works well in . no US taxes, or labor laws . but still quite a guarantee to be able to do necessary law suits in the holdings subsidiary of the Netherlands, on safe legal grounds .
Yes, I understood that. But the market there is much too small including the regional market. How are you going to get the products back into the US with too high tariffs?
She knew she had him cornered because it seemed that the foreign trade perspective was so far unknown at Palmer Associates. With zest she went on to also pick the extremely optimistic ground assumptions as to the possible political and rule of law developments in the target region apart, until Ryan came to Claytons mercy: Louisa, I see your point. Youre right, this is a bit too much standard procedure, well need a few more safeguards and maybe a tri-national construction to balance legal security with optimal corporate framework. Times are tricky; we can no longer take the stability of semi-authoritarian regimes for granted.
Excellent analysis, Ms. Grenburgh, Winston Palmer congratulated her. You bring a new type of thinking we need to consider more and this round of discussion showed in exemplary fashion what can make a firm plenary so rewarding.
Louisa blushed with pleasure: Thank you Mr. Palmer. I try my best to always think as many options through as possible. Ryan gave her a half hug in going out, making her tense up, fearing he might feel the thick role around her waist and catching Henrys critical expression over his shoulder. Great job for your first real firm plenary Louisa. Im so glad I brought you here. But you couldve been a bit softer on poor Clayton, not tear him to pieces in plenary. He cant think as complicated as you do hes more a linear guy. Now were going to need your help in re-engineering that contract for it to get Palmers blessing will you do that?
Of course come to me with it any time.
Yet Ryan didnt come himself but sent a meek Clayton the next day. Louisa, I dont know what I may have done to offend you, but whatever it was, I sincerely apologize. And I wouldve appreciated it if you had told me how critically you saw my contract design over lunch, when we talked about it with Henry not waited until plenary.
Oh, well umm, guilty heat crept up her face as she observed Henry raise his eyebrows. She couldnt possibly tell how he had offended her, it was highly unprofessional and shed be the laughing stock of the firm. Did we get that far over lunch? I dont remember you asking my opinion about that . Anyway, Im sorry if I got carried away by my debating fervor. Its probably still a habit from university; there theoretical debates are fought tooth and nail . I somehow havent gotten into the mode of a more constructive, practical discussion yet.
Umm yeah sure no hard feelings. Ryan said I could come to you with the new draft?
Any time youre ready.
Despite numerous aspects of it making her apprehensive, Louisa did not regret taking the job at Palmer Associates one minute. The cases and projects were interesting, giving her field of specialty she was allowed to work more independently than could be expected for someone so young and new on the job, the pay was good and she let out a whoop of joy as her first bonus entered her bank account for an real estate rebate she had negotiated for a major investment. There was the comforting familiarity of working for Ryan, most of her female colleagues where thin but so mousy it didnt matter that much and then there was Henry . sharing an office with one of the most adorable guys shed ever met .. when she could just sit down and observe him, shed forget how hopeless her crush was .
Like this evening, shed just finished the final paperwork for the privatization of some regional waterworks turning them into a cooperative, the setting sun was shining onto the facades on the other side of the street, illuminating their office with its warm reddish glow and Henry had taken on her favorite reading posture. Hed lean back in his chair, rest his left forearm over his round belly mound and support his right elbow with it, holding some papers closely in front of his face with his glasses off, so he only could see the print in front of him clearly. This gave her the opportunity to shamelessly ogle him, how his belly rolled over his waistband, how juicy his chin looked as he rested his head or how she would like to grab into one of those doughy love handles .
What are you staring at? Louisa jumped, had never heard Henry snarl at her before.
Im sorry, Im just staring into space Im pretty tired, cant get my eyes to focus any more , she tried to appease him. Tell me to finish correcting this page and then get going..
Finish your page like a good girl and then get going ., sorry I barked at you, Im tired too. Good night then, Louisa.
