JackCivelli
Well-Known Member
I almost made this a post under the “Unpopular Opinions” thread, but instead decided to make it it’s own post.
I was initially hesitant to share this here at all, since people on other sites like fantasy Feeder and Feabie act like this subject is blasphemy, but everyone here who I’ve told so far have been very understanding and supportive.
I’m now over 500 lbs. Double my initial goal of 250 lbs when I first started gaining intentionally. While I am still relatively healthy for someone my size, I do have hypertension and back problems from being this big. I am starting to have some trouble doing things, like climbing stairs or walking moderate distances without needing a break.
This wouldn’t really bother me that much except that I have 2 small children. Not only do I want to live to see them grow up, and being able to play with them and keep up with them, but I also want to exemplify a healthy lifestyle for them. So I’ve been to a bariatric surgeon and begun the long process of trying to lose 80-100 lbs so I can have weight loss surgery. I considered this a cop out for a long time but ultimately decided that without it, I will have a much more difficult time adhering to the diet my surgeon’s dietician is laying out for me.
I consider this a dire necessity, but I am also struggling with it quite a bit. Being a feedee has been a part of my identity for nearly 20 years. I can’t help but feel some anxiety and even depression about this chapter of my life coming to a close.
I am also very concerned about wanting to bail on losing weight. This kink is inextricably part of me. There will never be a time that gaining will not be an arousing thought to me. I know. I’ve tried losing my kink before, years and years ago before I was comfortable accepting it.
I’m not sure how often I will be on dims moving forward. I have met so many wonderful people here and have many valuable friendships, both new and very very old. I can earnestly say that I love every one of you, even those of you I butted heads with a time or two. But I am worried that being in this community too often will compromise my resolve. (That’s a me problem, not the fault of anyone else or the kink itself, but my lack of willpower in certain environments.)
I am not saying goodbye. I plan to still pop in now and again for a chat with my friends and see how this wonderful community is faring. But I will likely not be around as often as I have been historically.
Thank you to everyone who has been supportive, both in my gain, and in my eventual decision to reverse direction and lose weight. You are the reason this community has endured so long!
I was initially hesitant to share this here at all, since people on other sites like fantasy Feeder and Feabie act like this subject is blasphemy, but everyone here who I’ve told so far have been very understanding and supportive.
I’m now over 500 lbs. Double my initial goal of 250 lbs when I first started gaining intentionally. While I am still relatively healthy for someone my size, I do have hypertension and back problems from being this big. I am starting to have some trouble doing things, like climbing stairs or walking moderate distances without needing a break.
This wouldn’t really bother me that much except that I have 2 small children. Not only do I want to live to see them grow up, and being able to play with them and keep up with them, but I also want to exemplify a healthy lifestyle for them. So I’ve been to a bariatric surgeon and begun the long process of trying to lose 80-100 lbs so I can have weight loss surgery. I considered this a cop out for a long time but ultimately decided that without it, I will have a much more difficult time adhering to the diet my surgeon’s dietician is laying out for me.
I consider this a dire necessity, but I am also struggling with it quite a bit. Being a feedee has been a part of my identity for nearly 20 years. I can’t help but feel some anxiety and even depression about this chapter of my life coming to a close.
I am also very concerned about wanting to bail on losing weight. This kink is inextricably part of me. There will never be a time that gaining will not be an arousing thought to me. I know. I’ve tried losing my kink before, years and years ago before I was comfortable accepting it.
I’m not sure how often I will be on dims moving forward. I have met so many wonderful people here and have many valuable friendships, both new and very very old. I can earnestly say that I love every one of you, even those of you I butted heads with a time or two. But I am worried that being in this community too often will compromise my resolve. (That’s a me problem, not the fault of anyone else or the kink itself, but my lack of willpower in certain environments.)
I am not saying goodbye. I plan to still pop in now and again for a chat with my friends and see how this wonderful community is faring. But I will likely not be around as often as I have been historically.
Thank you to everyone who has been supportive, both in my gain, and in my eventual decision to reverse direction and lose weight. You are the reason this community has endured so long!
