ALS Again
Well-Known Member
~BHM, Magic, WG
“I’m gonna grab some Coke Zero,” Alexi mumbled, stalking away from his girlfriend. He wandered down the grocery store aisles, his tall form slightly slouched and his hands in his pockets. A few moments later, his eyes fell upon several cases of Coke Zero that were awaiting to be bought. Bending down, he grasped a case and stood, slightly cracking his back as he did so. Leaning against grocery shelves, he sighed. I need to let her go, he thought resignedly, a wave of sadness coursing through him. When it’s over, it’s over.
His calves ached dully, a constant throb of pain shooting through his legs. That run left its mark on me, he mused, reminding himself that tomorrow was another long run day. Perfect. I’ll just break up with her tonight, go on a run tomorrow, burn away some of the stress and pain, and I’ll be on my way to recovery . . . Somehow, his plan failed to convince his heart or his mind.
“Might as well get back,” he said softly to himself. As he headed back toward Sara, his girlfriend, Alexi’s mind warred with itself. It’s not that easy. I love her--I can’t just break up with her, go on a run, and magically emerge healed and without baggage. There has to be a way to fix this . . .
“Hey,” Sara mumbled as Alexi returned to her side. She eyed him with uncertainty, as though he could not be trusted. Alexi inwardly rolled his eyes and loaded the soda onto the shopping cart’s bottom.
“Ready to check out?” Alexi asked, mustering the most positive voice he could manage. I’m going to fix this, I’m going to fix this, I’m going to fix this.
“Yep,” Sara answered, rolling the cart toward a cash register line. Still, she refused to make eye contact with Alexi.
I should never have brought up the physical attraction thing, Alexi lamented, feeling stupid and boorish for ever having addressed the subject. He silently loaded groceries into the shopping cart while Sara paid. Maybe I can just apologize and . . .and . .. everything will be . .. His thoughts trailed off. This issue was deep--too deep to be filled merely by an apology. I need to talk to her, and we need to figure this out. Physical attraction is important. If it isn’t there, it isn’t there. She needs to tell me, though.
The couple walked from the store to Alexi’s car in silence, each one seemingly attempting to avoid the other. Once the groceries were loaded and the shopping cart returned, Sara climbed into the car’s passenger side, shutting the door with a soft thud. Alexi leaned against the driver side for a moment, pressing his head to the cool metal. Sighing, he opened the car door and dropped himself tiredly into the seat. “Look, Sara, I know that the car isn’t the greatest place to talk about this, but . . .I can’t wait any longer. I really think that we need to talk about earlier . . .”
Sara visibly stiffened. “Which particular part?” she asked, facing away from her boyfriend.
Alexi sighed. “The part where you mentioned that I wasn’t your . . . ‘type.’”
Still turned away, Sara answered gruffly, “It was a stupid comment. I didn’t mean anything by it, and let’s just drop it, okay? You know that I love you.”
“Come on, Sara. You said that the sex was terrible. We’ve been dating for over a year. If we’re going to make this work, I need for you to be honest with me. And, if there isn’t any way to fix this, then you could at least tell me the truth!”
Sara sighed, biting her lip. “Okay. The truth is that I love you, but, you’re not physically ‘turning me on.’”
Alexi was aghast. “Why not?!”
“Um, well . . .” Sara trailed off for a moment. “Look: I like fat guys, okay? You aren’t fat. You’re the exact opposite of fat. I’m sorry if I seem shallow, but, I’m finally being honest. Physical attraction is important, right?”
Dumbfounded, Alexi stuttered, “What the fuck do you want me to do? I can’t gain weight. I’ve tried in the past, and my metabolism just killed all of my attempts.” Why has she been dating me if she has constantly wanted me fat?
“I’m being a shallow bitch,” Sara stated matter-of-factly. “I just can’t change how I feel.”
“Why the fuck did you date me for so long?” Alexi demanded, feeling his anger and frustration increase. “Why did you stay with me if you hated the way that I look?”
“I don’t hate your appearance,” Sara insisted, sighing. “I just realized that I like . . .fat guys.”
“You know, you’re a pretty shitty person sometimes,” Alexi spat, feeling disgusted.
Sara’s eyes narrowed, as she countered, “Who are you to judge me? As if you don’t have certain physical preferences. I’m sure that you wouldn’t stay with me if I didn’t look a certain way.”
He pursed his lips, acknowledging that, on some level, she was correct.
Calming a bit, he softly asked, “What do you want to do about all of this?” He raked his fingers through his unruly dark hair, wondering in what way these events would end.
“I don’t know!” Sara exclaimed suddenly, tears in her eyes. “What do you want me to say?”
Alexi put his head in his hands, before mumbling, “I don’t know. You make me feel used, like an old model.”
Sara suddenly put her arm on Alexi’s shoulder, squeezing gently. “It isn’t like that, Lex,” she insisted. “I do love you. We’re just going to have to figure out this sex thing . . .to try to make things more . . .’alive.’”
Alexi remained silent, moving only to shift the car into drive and begin the trip back to the apartment that he and Sara shared. When the pair arrived at home, they unloaded their groceries, neither person speaking. After they finished, Alexi said, “I’m going out for a while. I need some time to think about . . .all of this.”
“I’m gonna grab some Coke Zero,” Alexi mumbled, stalking away from his girlfriend. He wandered down the grocery store aisles, his tall form slightly slouched and his hands in his pockets. A few moments later, his eyes fell upon several cases of Coke Zero that were awaiting to be bought. Bending down, he grasped a case and stood, slightly cracking his back as he did so. Leaning against grocery shelves, he sighed. I need to let her go, he thought resignedly, a wave of sadness coursing through him. When it’s over, it’s over.
His calves ached dully, a constant throb of pain shooting through his legs. That run left its mark on me, he mused, reminding himself that tomorrow was another long run day. Perfect. I’ll just break up with her tonight, go on a run tomorrow, burn away some of the stress and pain, and I’ll be on my way to recovery . . . Somehow, his plan failed to convince his heart or his mind.
“Might as well get back,” he said softly to himself. As he headed back toward Sara, his girlfriend, Alexi’s mind warred with itself. It’s not that easy. I love her--I can’t just break up with her, go on a run, and magically emerge healed and without baggage. There has to be a way to fix this . . .
“Hey,” Sara mumbled as Alexi returned to her side. She eyed him with uncertainty, as though he could not be trusted. Alexi inwardly rolled his eyes and loaded the soda onto the shopping cart’s bottom.
“Ready to check out?” Alexi asked, mustering the most positive voice he could manage. I’m going to fix this, I’m going to fix this, I’m going to fix this.
“Yep,” Sara answered, rolling the cart toward a cash register line. Still, she refused to make eye contact with Alexi.
I should never have brought up the physical attraction thing, Alexi lamented, feeling stupid and boorish for ever having addressed the subject. He silently loaded groceries into the shopping cart while Sara paid. Maybe I can just apologize and . . .and . .. everything will be . .. His thoughts trailed off. This issue was deep--too deep to be filled merely by an apology. I need to talk to her, and we need to figure this out. Physical attraction is important. If it isn’t there, it isn’t there. She needs to tell me, though.
The couple walked from the store to Alexi’s car in silence, each one seemingly attempting to avoid the other. Once the groceries were loaded and the shopping cart returned, Sara climbed into the car’s passenger side, shutting the door with a soft thud. Alexi leaned against the driver side for a moment, pressing his head to the cool metal. Sighing, he opened the car door and dropped himself tiredly into the seat. “Look, Sara, I know that the car isn’t the greatest place to talk about this, but . . .I can’t wait any longer. I really think that we need to talk about earlier . . .”
Sara visibly stiffened. “Which particular part?” she asked, facing away from her boyfriend.
Alexi sighed. “The part where you mentioned that I wasn’t your . . . ‘type.’”
Still turned away, Sara answered gruffly, “It was a stupid comment. I didn’t mean anything by it, and let’s just drop it, okay? You know that I love you.”
“Come on, Sara. You said that the sex was terrible. We’ve been dating for over a year. If we’re going to make this work, I need for you to be honest with me. And, if there isn’t any way to fix this, then you could at least tell me the truth!”
Sara sighed, biting her lip. “Okay. The truth is that I love you, but, you’re not physically ‘turning me on.’”
Alexi was aghast. “Why not?!”
“Um, well . . .” Sara trailed off for a moment. “Look: I like fat guys, okay? You aren’t fat. You’re the exact opposite of fat. I’m sorry if I seem shallow, but, I’m finally being honest. Physical attraction is important, right?”
Dumbfounded, Alexi stuttered, “What the fuck do you want me to do? I can’t gain weight. I’ve tried in the past, and my metabolism just killed all of my attempts.” Why has she been dating me if she has constantly wanted me fat?
“I’m being a shallow bitch,” Sara stated matter-of-factly. “I just can’t change how I feel.”
“Why the fuck did you date me for so long?” Alexi demanded, feeling his anger and frustration increase. “Why did you stay with me if you hated the way that I look?”
“I don’t hate your appearance,” Sara insisted, sighing. “I just realized that I like . . .fat guys.”
“You know, you’re a pretty shitty person sometimes,” Alexi spat, feeling disgusted.
Sara’s eyes narrowed, as she countered, “Who are you to judge me? As if you don’t have certain physical preferences. I’m sure that you wouldn’t stay with me if I didn’t look a certain way.”
He pursed his lips, acknowledging that, on some level, she was correct.
Calming a bit, he softly asked, “What do you want to do about all of this?” He raked his fingers through his unruly dark hair, wondering in what way these events would end.
“I don’t know!” Sara exclaimed suddenly, tears in her eyes. “What do you want me to say?”
Alexi put his head in his hands, before mumbling, “I don’t know. You make me feel used, like an old model.”
Sara suddenly put her arm on Alexi’s shoulder, squeezing gently. “It isn’t like that, Lex,” she insisted. “I do love you. We’re just going to have to figure out this sex thing . . .to try to make things more . . .’alive.’”
Alexi remained silent, moving only to shift the car into drive and begin the trip back to the apartment that he and Sara shared. When the pair arrived at home, they unloaded their groceries, neither person speaking. After they finished, Alexi said, “I’m going out for a while. I need some time to think about . . .all of this.”
