Reaching a fork in the road

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I won't bore everyone with my personal history as its been put down in all my other threads, but I'm in college (on break now obviously), and I've gained up to about 230 lbs. as of this month (starting at 170 two years ago, and some was intentional, some wasn't). I'm at the highest weight I've ever been, and people online and off are telling me that I legitimately look fat for the first time in my life, which was a change as I'd never been above "chubby" before, ever. As an erstwhile gainer I'm enjoying the extra weight, and seeing and being friends with people much heavier than me, it looks tempting to keep gaining (and as I'm at a desk job with a million fast food places nearby, I could pile on the pounds fast this summer...though I do have a very minor blood pressure thing I have to look out for). However, there is always a part of me that is the skinnier me and doesn't want to commit everything that comes from being a heavy person (especially by choice) and keeps telling me to drop the weight and let it go. Either way I could be happy, but not picking either one I'm unhappy. It's a major life decision, and I don't know what to do.

I've been pondering whether to totally follow through with this gaining thing for years and years now, but I guess I don't have the confidence in myself to make a decision. I've posted about this decision before ("The Gaining Life & I?") but realizing that I need to do what "makes me happy" just isn't enough to sway me to either side. Are there any gainers out there who had similar debates before they took the plunge, or ones who didn't hesitate and wouldn't mind sharing why? Or alternatively, those who didn't go through with it and/or gave up after awhile?

 

[Rebel]

 

[Tad]

 

[largenlovely]

 

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[ripley]

 

[Curious Jane]

 

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[MK3]

 

[FutureBHM]

 

[Happenstance]

 

[The Orange Mage]

 

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[GordoNegro]