Hey everyone! I've decided to de-lurk because I'm having some angst at the moment and it occurred to me that you lovely lot might be just the people to go to for some advice. Skip to the last paragraph of this post if you just want to lay some knowledge on me, or read on to see me go on about myself a bit first 
I'm a 22 year old FFA from jolly old England. I've always preferred chubbier guys but I've only recently realised that about myself, if you see what I mean. Like, a couple of years ago, if you'd shown me a random selection of guys my age and asked me to pick one to go on a date with, I'd probably have picked a BHM, but I probably wouldn't have been able to put my finger on what I liked about him. Now, thanks to a mixture of life experiences and the magic of Google (which brought me here!), I feel like I'm beginning to understand what I like and that there's nothing weird about it (the way you can start to feel there is when you're constantly being shown people you're "supposed" to find attractive and don't). It's exciting, in a way, I've started proudly announcing "I definitely prefer chubby guys" in conversations with my friends (in appropriate contexts, I mean, I don't just shout it when we're discussing Doctor Who or breakfast cereals or something). It's liberating to understand that about myself and to know that there are people out there who feel the same way, who are left cold by the hard, muscular bodies thrust in our faces by the media and like something they can cuddle.
But it's also left me feeling like I have a problem. In the last couple of years I've dated two gorgeous BHMs and with both of them I could feel that their weight was an issue I didn't know how to deal with in the context of the relationship. I'm still quite sad about the most recent one. He said no one had ever called him "sexy" before. We had a stupid fight one day because I greeted him with something like "Hey, gorgeous!" and he said I complimented him too much. I see where he was coming from, because I've dated guys who complimented me so frequently that it became meaningless and irritating. But, at the same time, he obviously didn't believe that I fancied him, so I was trying to make him see it.
He was so wary when we first met, like he thought I was pulling some elaborate and very time-consuming prank on the fat guy. Again, I understand, because I was bullied relentlessly for a few years at school (I've always been slim, but I have red hair and used to be even more socially awkward than I am now, and neither of those are good news when you're a teenager in mainstream education) and any time a guy even tried to talk to me I'd assume that he was setting me up for some kind of humiliation. But I've grown out of that paranoia now that I'm no longer surrounded by cruel, insecure teenagers and now I feel pretty good about myself - obviously what he went through was worse than what happened to me, for it to still be having this effect - and I have no idea how to approach the situation from the other side. It's also a little hurtful to have someone think you would be capable of being that cruel when you really care about them.
I tried really hard to be patient with him. In the end he dumped me because I don't want children. I can't decide if I think that's the real reason or not. I mean, if it is, it's a perfectly good one, but a few people I've talked to about it have said that that might be why he picked it: because it's such a logical way out. I mean, he knew that about me all along and he'd never had a problem with it before, and we weren't dating for that long. So maybe he suddenly realised he wanted kids... or maybe his constant panic finally peaked and he just jumped on a reason. Either way, his body was obviously the source of a lot of issues for him and for our relationship, which is a shame when I found it so attractive.
So, to drill down to the bedrock of my question: how does one approach a relationship with a BHM who is self-conscious, even ashamed, about his weight? Obviously a self-confident BHM would be a jackpot win for me, but so far I've had similar issues with two guys if there is a next time, I want to be ready. I'd really appreciate any advice you guys can give me
I'm a 22 year old FFA from jolly old England. I've always preferred chubbier guys but I've only recently realised that about myself, if you see what I mean. Like, a couple of years ago, if you'd shown me a random selection of guys my age and asked me to pick one to go on a date with, I'd probably have picked a BHM, but I probably wouldn't have been able to put my finger on what I liked about him. Now, thanks to a mixture of life experiences and the magic of Google (which brought me here!), I feel like I'm beginning to understand what I like and that there's nothing weird about it (the way you can start to feel there is when you're constantly being shown people you're "supposed" to find attractive and don't). It's exciting, in a way, I've started proudly announcing "I definitely prefer chubby guys" in conversations with my friends (in appropriate contexts, I mean, I don't just shout it when we're discussing Doctor Who or breakfast cereals or something). It's liberating to understand that about myself and to know that there are people out there who feel the same way, who are left cold by the hard, muscular bodies thrust in our faces by the media and like something they can cuddle.
But it's also left me feeling like I have a problem. In the last couple of years I've dated two gorgeous BHMs and with both of them I could feel that their weight was an issue I didn't know how to deal with in the context of the relationship. I'm still quite sad about the most recent one. He said no one had ever called him "sexy" before. We had a stupid fight one day because I greeted him with something like "Hey, gorgeous!" and he said I complimented him too much. I see where he was coming from, because I've dated guys who complimented me so frequently that it became meaningless and irritating. But, at the same time, he obviously didn't believe that I fancied him, so I was trying to make him see it.
He was so wary when we first met, like he thought I was pulling some elaborate and very time-consuming prank on the fat guy. Again, I understand, because I was bullied relentlessly for a few years at school (I've always been slim, but I have red hair and used to be even more socially awkward than I am now, and neither of those are good news when you're a teenager in mainstream education) and any time a guy even tried to talk to me I'd assume that he was setting me up for some kind of humiliation. But I've grown out of that paranoia now that I'm no longer surrounded by cruel, insecure teenagers and now I feel pretty good about myself - obviously what he went through was worse than what happened to me, for it to still be having this effect - and I have no idea how to approach the situation from the other side. It's also a little hurtful to have someone think you would be capable of being that cruel when you really care about them.
I tried really hard to be patient with him. In the end he dumped me because I don't want children. I can't decide if I think that's the real reason or not. I mean, if it is, it's a perfectly good one, but a few people I've talked to about it have said that that might be why he picked it: because it's such a logical way out. I mean, he knew that about me all along and he'd never had a problem with it before, and we weren't dating for that long. So maybe he suddenly realised he wanted kids... or maybe his constant panic finally peaked and he just jumped on a reason. Either way, his body was obviously the source of a lot of issues for him and for our relationship, which is a shame when I found it so attractive.
So, to drill down to the bedrock of my question: how does one approach a relationship with a BHM who is self-conscious, even ashamed, about his weight? Obviously a self-confident BHM would be a jackpot win for me, but so far I've had similar issues with two guys if there is a next time, I want to be ready. I'd really appreciate any advice you guys can give me
