I suppose it's all really about communication. What one says or does can be interpreted differently by different people.
What I'm getting at here is something that seems to be a frequent thread - saying or doing the wrong thing - or at least having it being perceived as such.
There was a recent thread where the general gist was the complaint about FA's fawning over a BBW's fat, with the point being that said FA's were ignoring the person beneath the fat. But really, aren't you damned if you do and damned if you don't? Sure, there are insensitive guys out there (whoa, what a revelation!! ha ha), but perhaps having read so frequently that woman are insecure about their weight, simply want to say (albeit clumsily) that the weight works for them.
Now certainly if said FA was obsessing and refused to change the subject when asked, well, then he's just an idiot. But the point I'm trying to make is that in many instances (as I believe Conrad pointed out) the FA really hasn't had much opportunity to speak of his desires, and often, in his own mind is taking a big risk by making those desires public, even to a BBW.
Me, I would like nothing more than to have my gf make comments about my swelling waistline - but that's a personal preference; I'm sure that there are others out there, who while enjoying the concept of gaining, don't necessarily want to be reminded of it.
But, to come to point: duality - and this applies to everything - how do you mention to someone that their body shape (whatever it may be) is something that you find attractive - or further, is that even something that you should do?
You hear it often said by well endowed women that they dislike being objectified, and I'm sure that hold true for BBW's as well. It's the "my mind, not my body" manefesto. But yet what's wrong with there being an attraction? It comes in all shapes and sizes, so why not come out and say "I find you attractive"? Why not start with that and then strike up a conversation and see if you hit it off in other ways as well?
Let's face it; guys oggle (and so do girls). Everyone looks, checks out the goods, etc, and as long as you aren't being extremely overt about it, where is the harm? Objectified, perhaps, but the flip side is that someone finds you attractive, and that should make you feel good!!
Perhaps there's an inborne sensitivity wherein you are simply tired of your weight always being front and center, as if it is the defining point of your existence. I see how people stare when a SSBBW walks into a room; and can only imagine (as I'm sure the BBW does) what goes in in the brains behind those stares. It's a form of discrimination on the most basic level, so I can understand the sesitivity, but still - to every action a reaction, and something that may be quite innocent, and a simple compliment can be taken as some form of hostile act.
Here's an example that happened to me the other day. I was sitting in the waiting chairs at the DMV when a young SSBBW walked in and took a number. I could see all the people staring. Because the people next to me had been called I had an empty seat to either side of me, so I moved over a seat so the BBW could have ample room. She saw what I had done and smiled so I smiled back and said hi. That was the end of the story, as I was called up shortly thereafter, but later I began thinking; I was lucky. In this instance the girl saw my gesture as exactly what it was - a gentleman's attempt to make a woman more comfortable. It could easily have been perceived as a dig to her, pointing out that she was in need of two seats.
So you see - duality. But I choose to live my life as an afirming one - hoping that by doing things like the above, or telling a woman that she is beautiful in my eyes, I'm making someone's day just a little brighter.
I'm sure each of us has our own preference, and it more than likely changes depending on who is approaching you and how, but isn't being told that you are attractive a better thing than having that person remain silent?
What I'm getting at here is something that seems to be a frequent thread - saying or doing the wrong thing - or at least having it being perceived as such.
There was a recent thread where the general gist was the complaint about FA's fawning over a BBW's fat, with the point being that said FA's were ignoring the person beneath the fat. But really, aren't you damned if you do and damned if you don't? Sure, there are insensitive guys out there (whoa, what a revelation!! ha ha), but perhaps having read so frequently that woman are insecure about their weight, simply want to say (albeit clumsily) that the weight works for them.
Now certainly if said FA was obsessing and refused to change the subject when asked, well, then he's just an idiot. But the point I'm trying to make is that in many instances (as I believe Conrad pointed out) the FA really hasn't had much opportunity to speak of his desires, and often, in his own mind is taking a big risk by making those desires public, even to a BBW.
Me, I would like nothing more than to have my gf make comments about my swelling waistline - but that's a personal preference; I'm sure that there are others out there, who while enjoying the concept of gaining, don't necessarily want to be reminded of it.
But, to come to point: duality - and this applies to everything - how do you mention to someone that their body shape (whatever it may be) is something that you find attractive - or further, is that even something that you should do?
You hear it often said by well endowed women that they dislike being objectified, and I'm sure that hold true for BBW's as well. It's the "my mind, not my body" manefesto. But yet what's wrong with there being an attraction? It comes in all shapes and sizes, so why not come out and say "I find you attractive"? Why not start with that and then strike up a conversation and see if you hit it off in other ways as well?
Let's face it; guys oggle (and so do girls). Everyone looks, checks out the goods, etc, and as long as you aren't being extremely overt about it, where is the harm? Objectified, perhaps, but the flip side is that someone finds you attractive, and that should make you feel good!!
Perhaps there's an inborne sensitivity wherein you are simply tired of your weight always being front and center, as if it is the defining point of your existence. I see how people stare when a SSBBW walks into a room; and can only imagine (as I'm sure the BBW does) what goes in in the brains behind those stares. It's a form of discrimination on the most basic level, so I can understand the sesitivity, but still - to every action a reaction, and something that may be quite innocent, and a simple compliment can be taken as some form of hostile act.
Here's an example that happened to me the other day. I was sitting in the waiting chairs at the DMV when a young SSBBW walked in and took a number. I could see all the people staring. Because the people next to me had been called I had an empty seat to either side of me, so I moved over a seat so the BBW could have ample room. She saw what I had done and smiled so I smiled back and said hi. That was the end of the story, as I was called up shortly thereafter, but later I began thinking; I was lucky. In this instance the girl saw my gesture as exactly what it was - a gentleman's attempt to make a woman more comfortable. It could easily have been perceived as a dig to her, pointing out that she was in need of two seats.
So you see - duality. But I choose to live my life as an afirming one - hoping that by doing things like the above, or telling a woman that she is beautiful in my eyes, I'm making someone's day just a little brighter.
I'm sure each of us has our own preference, and it more than likely changes depending on who is approaching you and how, but isn't being told that you are attractive a better thing than having that person remain silent?
