I'm not sure if this is entirely the correct place for this, but I couldn't think of a better one, so I shall press on regardless!
My significant other has just been put on antidepressants, caused primarily by stress at work. This in itself has made him more miserable because, it transpired, that he was on antidepressants for a while about 7 years ago and he thought it was a one-off, whereas now he's realising that he may well have periods where he relies on medication forever. He's been signed off work for a week but even though he's not there, he's not sleeping more than 2-4 hours a night which also isn't helping.
By nature, I'm a fixer. I want to take away people's problems and make everything ok...but there's not really anything I can do to fix this, which I'm finding hard to deal with. I hate that he's so down and I can't cheer him up or make it all better. I also live 200 miles away, so I can't pop round for a cuppa and a cuddle, or take him out for the day, or do much of anything. I call him everyday for some idle chitchat and to talk about our days, but I'm just not really sure what to do or say or how to act, which is why I'm posting this message. I don't want to be constantly asking him how he is, even though I want to know all the time, and, as much as it's in my nature to do so, I don't want to bombard him with job vacancies/herbal remedies/anything else I can research that may be of use. I know that'll be overbearing, and I know that if I start doing that, he's likely to shut me out and say he can't deal with it (me!)...I definitely don't want that to happen!
So, I feel stuck. Without telling him what to do (because nothing i could advise him to do would fix it), I don't know what to say. When he tells me he feels like a zombie, or only had 2 hours sleep, I'm like "oh no...I'm sorry..." and that's about it, which feels rubbish. When says this will probably be upto a year of his life gone, I say something along the lines of "you don't know that, you shouldn't write-off a whole year, just take things a day at a time" which also feels a bit....cliched?...insubstantial? I really want to be supportive but I don't know how. Help!
ETA...we haven't been "together" very long (and only a couple of months before I moved away to uni, which is why I used inverted commas, because we're seeing how things go) and I think this situation has made me panic a little because I have dated people who have suffered from bouts of depression before. In both cases, I have stood by them, only to be left behind when they recover and fly away. I really really really like this guy and I'm terrified this is going to happen again...I think it's partly why I am so desperate to do the right thing.
My significant other has just been put on antidepressants, caused primarily by stress at work. This in itself has made him more miserable because, it transpired, that he was on antidepressants for a while about 7 years ago and he thought it was a one-off, whereas now he's realising that he may well have periods where he relies on medication forever. He's been signed off work for a week but even though he's not there, he's not sleeping more than 2-4 hours a night which also isn't helping.
By nature, I'm a fixer. I want to take away people's problems and make everything ok...but there's not really anything I can do to fix this, which I'm finding hard to deal with. I hate that he's so down and I can't cheer him up or make it all better. I also live 200 miles away, so I can't pop round for a cuppa and a cuddle, or take him out for the day, or do much of anything. I call him everyday for some idle chitchat and to talk about our days, but I'm just not really sure what to do or say or how to act, which is why I'm posting this message. I don't want to be constantly asking him how he is, even though I want to know all the time, and, as much as it's in my nature to do so, I don't want to bombard him with job vacancies/herbal remedies/anything else I can research that may be of use. I know that'll be overbearing, and I know that if I start doing that, he's likely to shut me out and say he can't deal with it (me!)...I definitely don't want that to happen!
So, I feel stuck. Without telling him what to do (because nothing i could advise him to do would fix it), I don't know what to say. When he tells me he feels like a zombie, or only had 2 hours sleep, I'm like "oh no...I'm sorry..." and that's about it, which feels rubbish. When says this will probably be upto a year of his life gone, I say something along the lines of "you don't know that, you shouldn't write-off a whole year, just take things a day at a time" which also feels a bit....cliched?...insubstantial? I really want to be supportive but I don't know how. Help!
ETA...we haven't been "together" very long (and only a couple of months before I moved away to uni, which is why I used inverted commas, because we're seeing how things go) and I think this situation has made me panic a little because I have dated people who have suffered from bouts of depression before. In both cases, I have stood by them, only to be left behind when they recover and fly away. I really really really like this guy and I'm terrified this is going to happen again...I think it's partly why I am so desperate to do the right thing.
