The majority of my life I felt like a thing and not a person. I had no sexuality for a long time. I could probably trace this to a number of incidents, but mostly it's from being fat. As a fat girl when I hit puberty I spent a lot of time standing to the side watching others live. It becomes part of who you are. You're the person who people come over and talk to until their friends show up. You ride the rides by yourself. You're alone. No one ever winks at you. No one asks you out on a date. No one flirts with you.
I always blamed it on my fat, but I think it's the vibes I gave off. When I felt like a thing I was treated like a thing. Mostly I was afraid. I was afraid someone would wink at me or ask me out. I don't know why this made me afraid.
It wasn't until the internet that I started exploring my sexuality and dating. If it wasn't for the internet I would be 40 years old still living with my mother and never have kissed anyone. It scares me that my entire future was in the hands of someone inventing the internet.
I found someone and we've been together 11 years. I still struggle with the fact that he finds me attractive and I worry that I am not sexy enough. I feel beautiful sometimes and when I do I get attention because attitude really is a huge part of how attractive we are.
I hope this insight helps someone out there. It's hard to change our attitudes when they're become who we are, but they don't have to stay that way.
I still have days when I feel like a thing and I weep for everyone who feels this way. We're humans. We're beautiful. None of us are things.
I always blamed it on my fat, but I think it's the vibes I gave off. When I felt like a thing I was treated like a thing. Mostly I was afraid. I was afraid someone would wink at me or ask me out. I don't know why this made me afraid.
It wasn't until the internet that I started exploring my sexuality and dating. If it wasn't for the internet I would be 40 years old still living with my mother and never have kissed anyone. It scares me that my entire future was in the hands of someone inventing the internet.
I found someone and we've been together 11 years. I still struggle with the fact that he finds me attractive and I worry that I am not sexy enough. I feel beautiful sometimes and when I do I get attention because attitude really is a huge part of how attractive we are.
I hope this insight helps someone out there. It's hard to change our attitudes when they're become who we are, but they don't have to stay that way.
I still have days when I feel like a thing and I weep for everyone who feels this way. We're humans. We're beautiful. None of us are things.
