A week ago I felt what could only be shared on the Dims board.
I've been away for a while, found a great guy, and have been busy with life.
Those of you that recognize me know that I've been on the boards as an FFA for at least 7 years.
However, it's one thing to be accepting of the fat community and another to actually be a part of the discrimination as an overweight person.
Last Friday I was out at a restaurant wearing pretty new lipstick, dressed up with my hair down (which I hardly ever do), and having a great time thinking how gorgeous my BHM date is. We were having Italian with his family.
Everyone's having a great time until after the check is paid. It was a pretty large sum so our waiter got a great tip. Seeing as how most people are unemployed (including myself), I jokingly said to my date that I wanted to work there.
About 400 lbs of man replied to me that I might get hired if I lost some weight. Right next to his entire family.
Needless to say, I was upset - but when we went back home and talked about it is when the situation really set in and hurt me.
He wasn't trying to make me feel bad; he just noticed about 4 to 5 thin blond girls working there and thought the owner would hire according to what society thinks is pretty.
Well, thanks a lot. I just got told by the man I love that only thin, white, blond women can get hired as waitresses. That no matter how much he loves me, I will never be as beautiful as others. In fact, I'm so hideously ugly just by the fact I'm a brunette latina with a few pounds on from having a baby 3 months ago - that I wouldn't even get hired.
I know that I'll drop the weight eventually, but I don't think I can ever forget what my boyfriend thinks of me. I didn't feel ugly when he forced me to feel hideous - I felt great. I'm tall - I think my weight distributed rather well. And who doesn't love double Ds? At that moment, I could have been a gorgeous plus-size model. I was ready to hit on him the moment we got back to his car (he ate quite a bit!) - instead I got my emotional and physical feelings rejected.
It doesn't help that only a little while back he was drunk, and it slipped that he thought he "deserved" a thin girl he could show off. I shrugged that one off. He deserves a second chance, even if he doesn't get his skinny girl. But to say mean things about my weight twice? It doesn't make sense that he even wants to be with me. I just want to set him up on a date with what he thinks is society's ideal and move on.
That's what I keep picturing whenever I want to have sex with him - him with the tall blond from Heroes. Or him with some faceless blond that he noticed at the restaurant. I didn't notice them. The only waiter I noticed was the one that served our table.
Guys, take a tip from me. No girl likes to know you're even looking at others - especially while you're out on a date.
I'm not sure how you girls (and guys) do it. To have such experiences where you're told you can't even make money... make a place for yourself in society... just because of your weight or race.
It's also mind boggling to hear it come from a BHM who actually cares for me. He just can't get over the image of this blond, thin girl being the symbol of beauty out of his mind.
I have no doubts that if he were not white himself, he'd also self-loathe about not being blond.
Anyway, I needed a place to vent - and it just seemed like I could break down my walls and cry on the Dim's board shoulders for a bit.
If any of you BBWs or BHMs have experience similar moments, my heart goes out to you.
I've been away for a while, found a great guy, and have been busy with life.
Those of you that recognize me know that I've been on the boards as an FFA for at least 7 years.
However, it's one thing to be accepting of the fat community and another to actually be a part of the discrimination as an overweight person.
Last Friday I was out at a restaurant wearing pretty new lipstick, dressed up with my hair down (which I hardly ever do), and having a great time thinking how gorgeous my BHM date is. We were having Italian with his family.
Everyone's having a great time until after the check is paid. It was a pretty large sum so our waiter got a great tip. Seeing as how most people are unemployed (including myself), I jokingly said to my date that I wanted to work there.
About 400 lbs of man replied to me that I might get hired if I lost some weight. Right next to his entire family.
Needless to say, I was upset - but when we went back home and talked about it is when the situation really set in and hurt me.
He wasn't trying to make me feel bad; he just noticed about 4 to 5 thin blond girls working there and thought the owner would hire according to what society thinks is pretty.
Well, thanks a lot. I just got told by the man I love that only thin, white, blond women can get hired as waitresses. That no matter how much he loves me, I will never be as beautiful as others. In fact, I'm so hideously ugly just by the fact I'm a brunette latina with a few pounds on from having a baby 3 months ago - that I wouldn't even get hired.
I know that I'll drop the weight eventually, but I don't think I can ever forget what my boyfriend thinks of me. I didn't feel ugly when he forced me to feel hideous - I felt great. I'm tall - I think my weight distributed rather well. And who doesn't love double Ds? At that moment, I could have been a gorgeous plus-size model. I was ready to hit on him the moment we got back to his car (he ate quite a bit!) - instead I got my emotional and physical feelings rejected.
It doesn't help that only a little while back he was drunk, and it slipped that he thought he "deserved" a thin girl he could show off. I shrugged that one off. He deserves a second chance, even if he doesn't get his skinny girl. But to say mean things about my weight twice? It doesn't make sense that he even wants to be with me. I just want to set him up on a date with what he thinks is society's ideal and move on.
That's what I keep picturing whenever I want to have sex with him - him with the tall blond from Heroes. Or him with some faceless blond that he noticed at the restaurant. I didn't notice them. The only waiter I noticed was the one that served our table.
Guys, take a tip from me. No girl likes to know you're even looking at others - especially while you're out on a date.
I'm not sure how you girls (and guys) do it. To have such experiences where you're told you can't even make money... make a place for yourself in society... just because of your weight or race.
It's also mind boggling to hear it come from a BHM who actually cares for me. He just can't get over the image of this blond, thin girl being the symbol of beauty out of his mind.
I have no doubts that if he were not white himself, he'd also self-loathe about not being blond.
Anyway, I needed a place to vent - and it just seemed like I could break down my walls and cry on the Dim's board shoulders for a bit.
If any of you BBWs or BHMs have experience similar moments, my heart goes out to you.
